


Puppeteer

by turquoisecognaq



Category: K-pop, VIXX
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dubious Consent, Love Triangle, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Sexual Tension, Suppressed Feelings, Tags to be added, VIXX LR first comeback, alcohol use, angsty, attempted slow burn, texting elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-01-26 06:58:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12551756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turquoisecognaq/pseuds/turquoisecognaq
Summary: With VIXX LR's comeback approaching, Ken finds himself trapped between wishful thinking and reality. He knows he has to act, and he has to act fast.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no experience concerning music whatsoever, so everything I describe is based on what I’ve seen on tv and my imagination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The cover pic is small for pc-readers because I optimised it for phone-readers.)

 

 

 

 _'Long forbidden lover_  
_Never did I want another,_  
_Longing for your lips_  
_Craving as I speak._  
_Soft touch, small gestures,_  
_You sent me into vertigo,_  
_A shy glance, a brittle smile,_  
_You make me bloom, you make me thrive._  
_Pick my petals off,_  
_Suck my nectar dry,_  
_Oh sweet bliss,_  
_Let me call you mine.'_

Ken was silently watching Leo through the glass wall that separated the rest of the studio from the recording room. Both him and Ravi were wearing headphones, listening to Leo singing his parts of ‘Whisper’, LR´s much awaited new song, which would mark their first comeback. Leaning against the control panel, not coming too close to any buttons or regulators, Ken was paying close attention to Leo, who seemed to be lost in performing his interpretation of Ravi’s lyrics to this song. As Leo was his hyung and fellow main singer of VIXX, Ken found a special interest in comparing his own voice to Leo’s. While both their voices could master a width of 3 of octaves with much bravado, they differed quite a lot. Ken’s voice was steady and with its own specific chroma, while Leo’s appeared to be gentle, crystal clear, and at times a little brittle, which Ken loved. But this instant, it was anything but. Leo’s voice was vibrating against the microphone ever so slightly, soft and warm. A feast for the ears.  
  
_“You can have all of me, it’s alright_  
_You know what I want_  
_Carefully, right know”_

Leo was moving absentmindedly to the music, a desperate attempt to escape the tiredness which was creeping up on him. Ken found this amusing, as Leo never danced to VIXX’s song recordings, always keeping posture.  
  
_“Softly, whisper to me girl_  
_Whisper to me,_  
_It’s quiet but it feels dangerous”_

"Taekwoon," Ravi interrupted. Leo was pulled out of his trance when the music stopped. "This was quite good, yet I’d like you to try and make it more... I need you to _breath_ this part, _purr it into_ the microphone," Ravi gestured with his hand.  
  
Leo almost cringed at Ravi’s choice of words, but he understood what the younger wanted him to do. Wordless, with a grim expression he nodded and waited for Ravi to let the music play. He could feel Ravi’s eyes on him, and although it used tom make him antsy, he now managed to keep his calm, or so he thought. Ravi pushed some buttons and readjusted something on the computer, and soon Leo’s part was coming up again.

 _“You can have all of me, it’s alright,”_  
  
Leo glanced over to Ken, who was watching him with an expression he couldn’t put his finger on.  
  
_“You know what I want,”_  
  
His eyes wandered reluctantly to Ravi, who had his hands folded in front of his mouth, leaning on his elbows. He was watching him too, with a demanding expression, eyebrows knitted. He knew that face. He knew it was just Ravi monitoring him, making sure this recording was perfect, but still. He hoped his ears weren’t turning red. He closed his eyes and tried again.  
  
_“Carefully, right now.”_

On the other side of the glass, Ravi had pushed one headphone aside, and slowly leaned into Ken.

“Hyung…”

  
Ken’s eyes were still fixed on Leo, who seemed so exposed, trying to deliver the lyrics with a rawness that seemed too sensual to be factitious.  
  
“Hyung…”

_“Softly, whisper to me girl,”_

Ravi always managed to get the best out of VIXX’s members, always knew what to ask for to perfectly round a song up. What Ken also acknowledged was that since their sub-unit’s debut, Ravi and Leo seemed to have formed a special bond, even dropping honorifics, and he had never missed Leo’s glances towards-  
  
“Jaehwan-hyung”, Ravi tugged at his over-sized blouse.  
  
Ken blinked twice in surprise. He freed one of his ears then bowed his head, so that said ear was closer to Ravi’s mouth.  
  
_“Whisper to me,_  
_It’s quiet but it feels dangerous”_  
  
“Hyung, what do you think?”, Ravi gestured towards Leo with his chin.  
  
Ken swallowed, and took a moment to put his words together.  
  
“I think… I think Starlights will be thrilled to listen to this”, he grinned his adorable smile. “You did a very good job with this song, Shik-ah… I believe that… It really compliments Woonie’s voice, the lyrics are insinuating but not too obvious, and it has a smug smoothness to it… The melody is catchy and unusual compared to what you find on the charts at the moment… It’s… You couldn’t wish for a better comeback song, honestly…”, Ken finished with a low voice.  
  
Ravi knew Ken would compliment his song (he always did), but didn’t expect a short analysis. Ken smiled brightly at him, and Ravi knew he would never not be smitten by him. It had turned into an inside joke between Starlights, but he knew it was not all jokes and fun… At least for him.

“I am looking forward to your parts, too. I know this is just a prerecording so that Daegunie can get the hang of it, surely you will do a second, won’t you?”  
  
“Yes, I will…”  
  
“Great… But Shiki”, Ken put his hand on Ravi’s arm, “please rest in between recordings. I know you’ve made a habit out of not sleeping properly when you are working on new music… please don’t do that again to yourself.”  
  
Ken was scolding him like an older brother, so why were puppy-eyes what Ravi looked into?  
  
“I won’t, hyung.” Ravi promised sheepishly. He turned away to face Leo, who had long finished the recording and looked exhausted. He theatrically had swung one arm over the metal boom arm holding the microphone, pretending to need support. He glared at both of them.  
  
“Were you paying any attention to me or…”

“Of course, _hyung_!” There it was again, one of the rare occasions of Ravi calling him hyung in an attempt to not anger him further.

“Oh, really?” Leo wasn’t buying it.  
  
“Hyung, Wonshik-ah was discussing your voice as you were singing,” Ken came to Ravi’s rescue. It was only half a lie, and he hoped Leo would let it rest.  
  
But Leo kept on staring at them, considering.  
  
_“You know what I want  
carefully right now,”_ Ken began singing, breathing it in the microphone from the other side, as Ravi had instructed Leo to do.  
  
Leo’s eyes widened, but shortly after his face went back to its usual blanc expression, not saying a thing, while Ravi almost had to remind himself to breathe.  
  
“Wonshik explained to me why you had to perform it like this, see? The effect is gorgeous, now it’s even better when _you_ sing it like this!” Ken smiled his manipulative smile, cocking his head a little, eyes turning into crescents.  He knew compliments were a sure way to get to Leo, or provoke a reaction at least.

The oldest kept on being silent, but he broke eye contact and turned away sighing. Both Ken and Ravi took it as a good sign.  
  
“Alright, I’m done for today. My throat hurts.” With that Leo took off his headphones and exhaled. He rubbed his earlobes and then exited the recording room, grabbing a bottle of water from the pile next to Ken, before collapsing on the sofa behind his dongsaengs. They had taken off their headphones too, and following Leo with their eyes. When Leo emptied half of the bottle, not paying them any particular attention to them, he pulled a snack out of the pocket of his pullover, and began eating. A vanilla cream filled croissant.  
  
Ken and Ravi just looked at each other and started laughing, but Leo didn’t really mind. He often carried food around in his pockets, and although every member was well aware of it by now, sometimes it was funny enough for a laugh. Especially when they were as tired as now, every stupid thing seemed funny to them.  
  
Only after taking the third bite did Leo begin to realise that the croissant was leaking from the side, and it was – of course - already too late: the thick cream had already fallen on his navy pullover, leaving a fat splotch on the fabric. Ken and Ravi couldn’t keep it together and laughed their hearts out, while he was scanning his pockets for a tissue. Why always him?  
  
“Hyung,” Ken suddenly stood in front of him, and then kneeled while trying not to laugh, “let me help you.” Leo didn’t protest as Ken tried to pick up the cream with a tissue he produced from his own pocket. But his mind protested at the image of Ken licking off the excess cream that landed on his fingers, never breaking eye contact with him. Ken didn’t say a word when he stood up again, and Leo could have sworn he smirked before turning to sit on the leather seat next to Ravi. The later had already lost interest and was adjusting something on the control panel, and Leo was thankful because he was sure he had a weird expression on his face. He cursed at his stupid mind and shoved the rest of the croissant in his mouth, downing it with the rest of the water.

“Ok, I’ll have a go,” Ravi said as he stood up, handing his headphones to Leo. “Will you supervise me, Taekwoon?”  
  
Leo just accepted them, wordlessly saying yes. Ken put his own headphones on, and then Ravi went into the recording room and put on his headphones on in return. He soon signed ok with his fingers and Leo nodded ok.  
  
Leo arranged the sheets with the lyrics, and put on the headphones dj-style. His left ear was fully covered, while his right was free of gear, letting his two long earrings dangle freely. He pushed a few buttons, and the music was released again. Ravi started bopping to the music, slowly getting more and more into it. Leo soon realised Ravi had already overlapped his raw recordings from earlier with this audio-file, and he was yet again astonished at how well Ravi handled this software and their equipment.

Ravi was tired too, but his professionalism didn’t allow it to show on the microphone. His rap came as fierce as ever, steady and with the deep voice that would often make Leo shudder.

 _“Especially more today,_  
_Time seems to freeze when I see you._  
_I can’t handle you, it transcends narcissism.”_  
  
Leo wondered why these lyrics seemed to exactly mirror his feelings today, but as fast as these thoughts came, he willed his mind to concentrate on Ravi’s rap again. Professionalism, he reminded himself.  
  
_“My instincts have already gone up._  
_I try to calm down my excited heart but it breaks down,_  
_calm down, down, down,”_

Leo subconsciously closed his eyes and let Ravi’s voice fill his head. Ravi was good (as always), and delivered the lyrics with accuracy, following the beat of the music, melting into it.

 _“My body is slowing down right now, now._  
_No limit limit, what is your limit?”_

Leo opened his eyes again, finding Ravi almost dancing against the microphone. He was so into it, his hands moving on their own, eyes closed. Oh, how smooth Ravi was…

 _“Tell me ahead of time,_  
_Everything has levels,_  
_But you’ve erased that process.”_

Leo stared at rapper, forgetting he was supposed to spot mistakes. Ken noticed that Leo was lost in thoughts, and rolled closer to him on his seat, leaning almost against him. The older didn’t notice, until Ken placed his hand on Leo’s thigh. Startled, he looked down at the younger’s hand, then up to his face.  
  
“Shiki is mesmerizing when he raps, isn’t he?”, he mused, smiling warmly, while looking at Ravi behind the window. He had freed one of his ears from the headphone, too. Leo swallowed down the lump in his icky throat, and nodded. He was used to the member’s clinginess, and Ken’s fondness of him, but right now Ken was almost too close, and his hand on his thigh insinuated a certain intimacy unlike before.  

 _“You are my song, ye baby,_  
_I’m different from the other wolves,”_

Ken’ other hand made its way to Leo’s neck, arm resting on Leo’s back. Ken talked almost directly into Leo’s free ear.

“I like it when Shiki raps with an aggressive undertone… but I love it when he delivers his lines so… sensually. What’s your opinion, hyung?”

Ken’s lips almost brushed Leo’s ear, and he could feel his ears and neck turning red. Ken was too close, and his hot breath was not helping either.  
  
“I… I like it both ways”, Leo said after a moment, trying to escape Ken’s grip. Ken let go of Leo, leaving some distance between them, pretending that nothing happened. He grinned at Leo, and Leo wondered for the second time this night if he was just seeing things.  
He rubbed his neck absentmindedly, the spot where Ken’s hand had touched before feeling hot.

He focused on Ravi again.  
  
_“Who only look for you at night,_  
_I look for you every moment of every day girl.”_

Pretending to need to note down something in Ravi’s notebook, he looked down. He could still feel Ken’s eyes on him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So I've been working on this fic for almost two months now, and I've reached a point where I thought it might be good to upload and maybe get some feedback. I got the idea for this fic from shenanigans with Criminal_Master_Mine (who is such a lovely person), she gave me the inspo for this. Please check out her Wontaek fic [Chained Up Together](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11145867/chapters/24867216/), it's so amazing omg, I will be fangirling forever! 
> 
> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> (English is not my first language, so if you find any errors please let me know)


	2. Chapter 2

The next days went by uneventfully. Hongbin and Hakyeon were involved with filming tv dramas, and the rest of them sometimes facetimed with them to catch up on the daily shenanigans on set. Both their sets were on the outskirts of Seoul, a few hours away, so they were relocated for the time being to hotels closer to the sets. Hyuk was using his free time to attend English classes and then piano lessons, and would often meet up with friends afterwards, so he was missing pretty much the whole day from the dorm.

Leo had recorded a few lines that day, and Ravi had made sure that he sang them at least 30 times. Ok, maybe less, but it felt like 30. Ravi was a perfectionist, and sometimes it brought Leo to his limits. To top that, Ken showed up in the middle of the recording, which made him nervous for some reason. Ken had finished with his shows for the musical for the month of June, and had a lot of free time for now. He had already spent a few days with his family, so dedicated some time now on catching up with some friends on afternoon coffees.  
  
Leo lied on the sofa in the living room. He looked at his watch. It was 17:26, and Thursday. His sister would be home now. He pulled out his phone and dialled her number. He held his phone with some distance away from his face and waited, until the familiar face appeared.

“Minyul!” he exclaimed, and was greeted reluctantly with a grim expression.  
  
“Minyul, what’s wrong?” Leo asked, and heard his sister, who was holding the phone, scolding in the back. “Minyul, talk to uncle Taekwoon…” Minyul kept looking at his hands and wouldn’t say a thing, until his sister raised her phone to her face.  
  
“I’m sorry little bro… He misbehaved and I had to scold him, and he obviously didn’t like it.” Leo grinned at her and asked what had happened.  
  
“I told him to stop, but he kept on pulling on the tablecloth until the vase on it tipped over and… well the flowers and the water went mayhem all over the place, a huge mess!” She glanced from the corner of her eye to Minyul. “Thanks a lot for the extra work, dearest”, and with her free arm she grabbed the boy and pulled him to her chest, planting a kiss on top of his head. Leo laughed, not much at what Minyul did, but more at how dramatically his sister portrayed it, and how she couldn’t help but not be mad at him.

They kept on talking for a while, and lost track of time, until Leo heard the front door close. Ken entered and his face lit up when he spotted Leo’s sister with Minyul on her lap on Leo’s screen.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah! How are you, how have you been?” Leo’s sister asked happily, and Ken leaned over the back of the sofa and over Leo’s shoulder to greet them both over the phone.  
  
“Great! I’m having some time off at the moment, and I try to relax and recharge my batteries. How are you?” Kens hands rested on Leo’s shoulders and squeezed them, but it was not an uncomfortable sensation.  
  
“Great, this little buddy here keeps me busy”, she said and planted a overexaggerated kiss on Minyul’s cheek. Ken laughed and complimented Minyul on how much he had grown from the last time he saw him, but soon excused himself to take a shower.

Shortly after that, Leo’s sister had to end the call, saying she had to prepare the meal. Leo promised to call again soon and hung up, while Minyul was waving his goodbye. Leo put his phone away and just lay there for a moment, eyes closed. Ravi should be in the recording room, adjusting and finetuning the songs for their album. He decided he wanted to check up on him. He stood up and went to the kitchen, where he prepared two cups of coffee. Carefully, Leo balanced the hot beverages to the studio, and slowly opened the door with his elbow, only to find Ravi fast asleep on the sofa. A book was spread open on his chest, one hand was barely holding it in place. The acoustic track of ‘Whisper’ was playing in the background on low volume, so Leo assumed he must have taken a pause from work and then had drifted away. Paperwork was spread everywhere on the floor, along with some CDs, markers, and highlighters. There was a folder laying under some lyric sheets displaying colour palettes and different samples. Two were highlighted: the colour dark navy blue and crimson red. Huh.

Leo left Ravi’s mug on the table next to the sofa. Ravi had insisted they put a table in this room, so that they had a spot to leave fluids and food, avoiding possibly damaging the electronics. Ravi continued his slumber, his eyelashes resting against his cheeks, and although Leo thought the coffee aroma would be strong enough to wake him, it seemed like it didn’t affect him at all.  
  
He pulled the folder with the colour samples out from the chaotic pile on the floor, and sat on the floor, resting with his back against the sofa, next to where Ravi was sleeping. There was one note in between the colourful pages with Ravi’s handwriting, and he pulled it out. It was a concept idea for the album as a whole, and for the video of ‘Whisper’. ‘Soulmates’ was written on the side and circled with a biro a few times, and some ideas were noted down as to what the video should include. A reminder to console N-hyung and ask his opinion on the routine Ravi had come up with for the dancing sequence was written on the back of the page, as well as scribbles of RL’s logo. Ravi seemed to have tried to design something new, but everything was crossed out.

Ravi turned around on the sofa and his book slid down, falling down on Leo’s shoulder with a thud. Leo formed a silent ‘ouch’ with his lips and rubbed his shoulder. He left the folder down on the floor and picked up the book next to him, where he noticed the bookmark that had fallen out of it. It was an old picture of him and Ravi, back from their ‘Beautiful Liar’ days. Ravi was dressed all white, while Leo, representing the counterpart, was all black. It depicted their differences astonishingly well…

Leo had loved this concept. He was able to include the piano in both the video and their live stages, and Ravi’s song was just so perfectly balanced and well written, he fell in love with it the first time he heard it. He stared at the picture fondly and remembered back… They had a blast while shooting the video, albeit the fighting scenes that were difficult to shoot. Leo had laughed and laughed, and over the duration of the debut he managed to open up to Ravi so much… it was something he had not expected.

Ravi had looked so incredibly good with his white hair and the suit, Leo often found himself being shy next to him although he was the leader of LR, and was supposed to speak for them in public. It… It was probably that period of time he realised he sought Ravi’s closeness and touch despite his initial restraint. That period of time that it came to his attention he found Ravi somewhat sweet, although the younger tried to maintain his cool bad boy image as the main rapper of VIXX. It was that period of time he admitted to himself that he… he must have fallen for Ravi.  
  
It begun as teasing friendship first, because God knows he was not as close to Ravi before their sub-unit’s debut. Ravi tried to get Leo to loosen up, and joked around a lot. Leo was quite resistant at first, but Ravi’s mood was contagious. He soon sought the moments where Ravi would laugh loudly and look at him, hoping he’d laugh with him, and he couldn’t resist the urge to laugh along, although more reserved. Still, they often came off as odd on camera, he couldn’t help it. Ravi would notice his uncomfortableness and would encourage him off camera, would compliment him on how well he did, and in the end, he found he did well indeed.

Leo knew about his feeling for about… almost 2 years now? He wished he had the courage to go to Ravi and confess, but… But he couldn’t.  
  
Leo knew that his feelings wouldn’t be returned.  
  
And one of the reasons to that was the person who had written on the back of the photo.

“ _Congratulations on your debut!_  
Keep doing well!  
LR fighting!  
-Jaehwan”

A dull pain started spreading in his chest. He quickly put the photo back in the book, trying to seal the pain away with it.  
  
Ravi moved again and his right arm landed on Leo’s other shoulder. Even the sensation of hitting Leo’s shoulder did not bother him, and Leo sighed, closing his eyes. Opening them again he wanted to turn around, debating with himself whether he should poke Ravi awake or not, but then he noticed something glistering: it was the diamond bracelet on Ravi’s wrist. It caught the dim light in the room, reflecting it. Leo was wearing his’ too, and brought his arm up to position his wrist next to Ravi’s.  
  
They were indeed identical, he knew this already. But… He wanted the expensive gift to mean something more than friendship, more than brotherhood. He sheepishly glanced back to Ravi, reading on his face that he was still fast asleep, and then slowly started to intertwine their fingers. He softly gripped his hand, and started examining his well-kept nails, his soft skin, the ink underneath it.

How much he wanted to be more to Ravi… He wanted to be able to hold his hand casually, go out with him, play with him and Butt, listen to his sweet-talk.  
  
He wanted Ravi to call him cute, wanted to feel Ravi’s eyes on him, have his attention…  
  
He wanted to hug him...  
  
Sleep next to him…  
  
Kiss him…

Leo closed his eyes to soothe the burning sensation, and brought Ravi’s hand to his lips. He hesitated just an instant, but then planted the softest, chaste kiss on the back of Ravi’s hand, lingering. He then carefully brought their hands to his chest.  
  
His heart was pounding so strongly behind his rips, he could hear his blood pumping through it, being distributed to his limbs. His ears were ringing- what an odd feeling.  
  
He felt like a shy boy, and he basically was. His ears and neck were aflame, he could feel it. He exhaled. Why… Why was he doing this to himself? He knew he shouldn’t water this flower blooming in his chest, knew he should rip it out with its roots and all- but he couldn’t bring himself to. Maybe it was his idol life and the isolation that came with it, that made him want to cherish these feelings. Maybe he felt it was proof of what deep of an impact Ravi has made on him.  
  
Maybe it was both, he often thought.

He opened his eyes, still holding Ravi’s hand close to his heart, agitated but also, weirdly, somewhat at peace.  
  
But just like that, with a low, almost inaudible chuckle that came from the door, his little bubble burst, and Leo felt like a deer trapped in the headlights of a car.  
  
Ken.  
  
Ken was leaning against the doorframe, arms folded in front of his chest. His hair was still dripping wet, he had a towel around his neck, and his head cocked slightly to the side, a smug smile painted across his face.  
  
That smile.  
  
That damn smile. Ken knew, he _knew_.

A flame of panic started to spread in Leo, and although he felt he was stuck to the floor at first, he then moved quickly, let go of Ravi’s hand and stood up, almost tripping over his full coffee mug. Mortified he made his way past Ken, who didn’t say a thing. He rushed to one of the vacant bedrooms and closed the door behind him shut, almost shaking.  
  
After hearing the door, Ken went inside, picked up Leo’s cold cup from the floor, and left Ravi oblivious in the studio.

He went to their kitchen, his smile still evident on his face, and poured the cold coffee down the drain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to Minyul for this v.v'


	3. Chapter 3

Leo was already awake when the knock came.  
  
“Hyung? Are you up yet?” Hyuk asked through the closed door. Leo pulled the covers over his head and groaned. Truth was he had been awake for two hours now, but didn’t want to leave the room. He didn’t want to see _him_ , and feel exposed all over again like he did yesterday. But what should he do? He couldn’t stay in here forever. His brain was exhausted.  
  
“Jaehwan-hyung said you didn’t feel well last night, are you better today?” Hyuk didn’t wait for an answer and opened the door slowly. Leo knew it was out of concern and not rudeness, and let Hyuk enter. The young man approached carefully and sat beside Leo on the bed. Hyuk’s hand reached to grab Leo’s shoulder, in an attempt to comfort him.  
  
“Hyung, do you want us to call for someone? A doctor?” Hyuk could be such a sweet child when he wanted, and Leo would always have a soft spot for him. But he didn’t need a doctor, so he pulled the covers down a little and turned to face Hyuk, who had a worried look on his face.  
  
“No, there is no need to… I’m doing better today” Hyuk scanned his face for the truth. ‘’I… My stomach, I think I might have eaten something expired and well… Don’t worry about it.” Hyuk accepted Leo’s lie, albeit a little hesitantly.  
  
“Ok then… Well… Would you like something to eat? I brought breakfast, Wonshik already joined me.”  
  
“And… And Jaehwan?”  
  
“He left a few minutes ago, he said he would meet up with Seokjin. He called him yesterday.” Leo thanked Jin in his head and pushed the covers aside. Hyuk smiled proudly, stood up and headed to the kitchen. Leo followed right after heading to the bathroom first to wash his face.

Ravi was sitting by the table with Butt on his lap, and Hyuk grinned at the proud dad. He had his phone in his hand, filming the small dog, and making the funniest expression with his face. He was in the middle of eating, but when he had Butt around there were always more important things to do. Leo sat opposite to Ravi, and spotted a lonely vanilla-latte on the table (he recognised the felt-tip writing on the cup), amongst all the food Hyuk bought. Hyuk saw him and pushed the paper-cup towards him, and he accepted thanking him with a nod.

“Leo-yah, are you ok?  Jyanni said you didn’t feel well and you went to bed early,” asked Ravi, putting his phone away. Leo savoured the sweet aroma of his coffee in his mouth before answering.  
  
“Yes, but I’m doing fine now. Thank you.” Leo nibbled on his cup again.  
  
“You sure? Because I’m thinking about heading out tonight with Hyuk, and I’d hate to leave you on your own if you feel ill.”  
  
“Yes, be honest, hyung,” added Hyuk.  
  
Leo thought for a moment. Ken was with Jin, and BTS were in the middle of preparing their comeback, so probably Jin had the day off and they’d be away together for the whole day. If he’d go to bed early and actually slept instead of scrolling through twitter he wouldn’t have to face Ken today. Good.

“There is no need to. Go have fun.” Leo proceeded to grabb one of the croissants, the strawberry jam, a knife, and mindlessly began cutting the croissant open. After a moment Leo noticed that it was pretty silent around him, and looked up from his plate. Ravi and Hyuk were eyeing him doubtfully.  
  
“Hyung, are you angry because we’re heading out? You can join us, you know.” Hyuk broke the silence, not exactly pouting but with a certain complaining tone in his voice.  
  
“No, I’m not… I was just thinking… You two should go on your own tonight, I’ll join you… Next time.”  
  
It was for the best that Leo stayed home, Leo was sure. He believed with the nerves he had there was a high possibility of him getting drunk in front of them if he got near alcohol tonight. One embarrassing situation was enough.  
  
“I could leave Butt with you if you want. You could totally go for a walk and have some cuddles with him,” proposed Ravi. Leo’s face lit up at his idea, and he smiled at the younger.  
  
“If you trust me with him, ok.”  
  
“There is no one I’d trust more.” Ravi said with a reassuring tone.  
  
“Hey!”, Hyuk exclaimed, and whacked Ravi half-heartedly on his arm,“I‘ve often looked after him and he’s always been fine!”  
  
The other let out an overexaggerated noise and rubbed his arm. He looked down on Butt and grabbed him from both sides, as to encourage him, and leaned over the dog, gifting Hyuk a pseudo-angry look.  
  
“Butt! Go, attack him! He’s been bad! Revenge your father!” Butt just noticed the mention of his name and raised his head in a question, but other than that, he couldn’t make anything out of Ravi’s ‘command’.  
  
“Tsk, his training is still lacking,” Ravi scoffed, but there was no weight behind his statement, and he leaned back to scratch the back of his head like an old man, making a displeased face.  
  
“If his trainer wouldn’t be so lacking himself…!” Hyuk blurted out laughing and leaned back when he noticed how Ravi was already drawing out his arm to hit him playfully. Hyuk stood up to escape, giggling at his own joke.  
  
“You!!” Ravi shouted and almost kicked away his chair. He ran after Hyuk after putting Butt in Leo’s lap carefully, but he was laughing too.  
  
Leo breathed out and looked down on Butt, putting his hand on the dog’s head.  
  
“So noisy…” he said, and Butt closed his eyes in silent agreement, enjoying Leo’s warm hand petting him.  


-o-O-o-

After watching a movie and playing the whole evening with Butt, Leo remembered the package one of his sisters had sent to him. It was full of sweets and chocolates, a bottle of an insanely sweet liquor, and some bath-bombs. She had called it the ‘chill’ box. Leo called her after receiving it, because he wasn’t sure how to use the bombs. “Just put them in warm water and watch”, she told him. He picked one bomb and took the liquor, and headed to the kitchen. After finding a glass appropriate for the occasion, he turned to head to the bathroom, and noticed a faint snoring sound.

Butt was fast asleep on the sofa in the living room. The poor guy was exhausted from running around the whole day chasing toy after toy Leo threw for him to fetch. He looked adorable, and Leo took a picture for Ravi. He wondered if he too should get a pet. Maybe a cat?

“Your kid is safe and sound - and asleep.”

Before hitting the sent button, Leo wondered what else he could write. He hesitated a little, but then added,

“What are you guys wearing? I didn’t see you leave.”

-sent-

He put his phone away not expecting a soon answer, but his phone vibrated in his pocket immediately. Ravi sent a selca with him in the front, wearing black pants, a black shirt and a red tie, and Hyuk stood next to him wearing pretty much the same, only his shirt was dark blue and he wore no tie. It looked-

“Hyuk says soery for borrrowimg your shirt witout asking!” Ok, that’s why it looked familiar.

Then he received a text from Hyuk: “Shik said u looked guud init, & that I would, 2! He talked me into wearing it! Hes the culpriiit!”

“NO you saw it hangin on the coat-hanger and ASKED ME if it would look gd for 2n8!” read Ravi’s next text. Ravi said what…? Were they drunk already?  
  
Leo wrote in the group-chat, because he couldn’t be bothered to write the same text twice, although it seemed that they were standing next  to each other while texting.  
  
“Are you two drunk already? Stop spamming! Hyuk it’s ok you took it, I wonder how it fits you though. But it does look good.”  
  
“No were NOT drunk! & thx Daegunie”, wrote Hyuk again with a dozen heart emojis. Daegunie? Hearts? Definitely drunk.  
  
“What’s going on? Are you two out drinking??” wrote N.  
  
“LOL don’t get too wasted”, wrote Hongbin.  
  
“I fear it’s too late”, admitted Leo. He was sure he had to deal with the aftermath tomorrow, which was two halfdead members occupying the living-room, crying in pain about their own stupidity. And he’d had to hear it the whole day.

“How about me hyuuungg?? How do I look??” came Ravi again. Ravi looked too good, the black and red combo always suited him well… and his raven hair looked silken, styled with skilled hands. But Leo couldn’t write that.  
  
“Handsome and Polished! As always.” Leo bit his lip. Handsome and polished? Maybe it was too much. “You look good, too, as always” he wrote instead.  
  
“Taek!” Ravi wrote, and a heart emoji followed.

Ah yes, the alcohol.  
  
“Leo u stayed home?” asked Hongbin.  
  
Leo realized he was still standing in the hallway, and hurried to the bathroom. He never was the multitasking type.  
  
He looked at his phone again after removing his shirt.  
  
“He was not feeling too well yesterday night” came from Ken. Leo immediately felt a knot form in his throat.  
  
“BUT he was fine earlier!! Even played with Butt in the prak”, wrote Hyuk.  
  
“Daegunie are you ok now? What was it?” worried N. ‘Hakyeon…’ Leo thought. …He would have to consult him some time soon.  
  
“My stomach,” he lied. He lied right in their faces and Ken was reading it too. Hopefully the liquor would do its job properly and he would sleep immediately after hitting the mattress.  
  
“And I’m good, don’t worry.”  
  
“If you say so... Call if you need anything.”  
  
“You can call me too, hyung”, offered Hongbin.  
  
“EM 2!!” wrote Ravi.  
  
“ME 3!” came from Hyuk.  
  
“Let’s see who needs to call who first” wrote Leo, and it rained laughing and crying emojis.  
  
“If I don’t answer, don’t worry, I’m just taking a bath.”  
  
“Don’t drown Teakwonie!!” wrote Ravi.  
  
“Dont worry Guni Shik knows moth to mouth he can saev u ahaha” laughed Hyuk.  
  
“I’ll look after him, don’t worry,” wrote Ken, adding a winking smiley.  
  
Leo needed alcohol in his system. Now.  
  
“Ah Jaehwanaah look after me 2 plzz??” Ravi typed.  
  
“I need an adult” wrote Hyuk, and it rained laughing emojis again.  
  
“Now you miss me, don’t you Hyuki?” N complained.

Leo purred himself a drink and gulped a generous amount down. The liquor was quite thick and felt heavy in his empty stomach, but it was so sweet he couldn’t taste the alcohol. Perfect. He wouldn’t have a problem downing half of it tonight. He unwrapped the bath-bomb and let the hot water fill the bathtub. He removed the remaining clothing and his diamond bracelet and sunk into the hot bliss. Holding the glass in one hand and the bomb in the other he sat there for a moment, and examined the crumbling mass. With a ‘blob’ he let it fall to the bottom, and watched the magic happen. It was blue and pretty and smelled like expensive perfume, and like an underwater-volcano the bubbling mass spread everywhere it could reach. He imagined that this was luxury you probably experienced in those expensive hammam baths? He didn’t know… Maybe he could visit one with the others in the future? Mmhhh...  
  
Nibbling absentmindedly on his glass, soon it was empty, and he grabbed the bottle he had conveniently left on the floor. What kind of liquor was this? It was written in English, great.  
  
Whatever, it tasted good, and that was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much fun writing the chat part, but I cringe when I read it :')


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me :')

Leo woke up and noticed the cold water surrounding him.  
  
Oh no.  
  
What time was it? 01:12 read the clock on the wall.  He had fallen asleep in the bath, and of course the image of Ravi giving him mouth to mouth was the first thing to pop up in his head. Oh _no, no_ , a hard on was the last thing he needed now. Ok, he needed to wash his hair. He searched for the glass which he had lost in the blue abyss that was his bathing water; breaking it and getting cut was the last thing he needed right now. He was glad to find it whole, and put it on the floor next to the bottle. He had drunk quite a lot he saw, but he felt ok, still. Maybe there was not as much alcohol in it in the end and he misjudged it? But then again half the bottle was hardly enough to make him drunk.

He grabbed the shampoo bottle and spurted some of it directly on his scalp. He washed his hair and then himself with a wet towel. He decided he didn’t need conditioner today… the only thing he craved right now was a warm bed. He stood up reaching for the robe he had left on the washing machine next to the bathtub, and before he knew it the dizziness hit him. He fell against the tilled wall gracelessly, preventing his head from hitting the wall in the last second. Leo exhaled and tried to collect himself. Ok, maybe he drank a little too much. And maybe standing up too fast was not a good idea, either.  
  
In the distance he heard the front door close, and remembered.  
  
Ravi and Hyuk.  
  
If they were as drunk as he thought, they’d surely need to use the bathroom soon. He took a deep breath and imagined the oxygen fuelling his body.

One step after the other.  
  
The couldn’t bring himself to bend down to pick up the glass and the bottle, so he just left them there. He’d pick them up tomorrow. He wrapped himself in the robe and collected his clothes and his bracelet and opened the door with a little shaky hands. But as soon as the cool air hit his wet face and his head started spinning again. He felt as if his eyes were hurting, a weird, dull and pulsating pain that reached from the top of his scalp down his eyes. He was losing his balance again, and he couldn’t do anything about it. It was as if he watched himself, he saw how he fell against the wall with this shoulder. The pain was numbed by the alcohol, but still evident. He was sure this would bruise. Not exactly what he needed before promotions started.  
  
“Taekwoon…”  
  
Taekwoon opened his eyes.  
  
Ken.  
  
Where were Hyuk and Ravi?  
  
The younger was standing in the hallway, still wearing his black jacket over some oversized blouse. Great, he must have seen the whole scene. Although his blood seemed to be anywhere but in his head, Leo felt his neck and face getting hot with embarrassment. Was the humiliation yesterday not enough? He wanted to run away, flee, but he leaned there paralyzed. Ken slowly approached him, like he was a wild animal that would lash out at him given the opportunity. Leo hated himself for being careless. He had drunk to avoid Ken, and now this. Leo started to slide down the wall as his knees gave in again, and Ken rushed to get hold of him.  
  
Ken had him in his arms before he hit the floor.  
  
“I said I’ll look after you.”  
  
Leo felt Ken’s breath against his ear, and his strong arms wrapped around his slightly thinner frame. He opened his eyes and realised that he was not holding his clothes anymore. They had all fallen down, and he couldn’t feel the bracelet in his hand anymore. The tie on his robe was getting loose.  
  
Shit.  
  
“I see you had your own little party in the bathroom, Taekwoon,” Ken said, as he spotted the bottle and the glass on the floor through the door, looking over Leo’s shoulder.

“I-I…” Leo stuttered. Even his tongue didn’t follow his will anymore.

“Hm?” Ken asked a little teasingly.  
  
Leo blinked, opening his mouth to say something.

“I…I just wanted to sleep…”, he finally squeezed out, and hated that he sounded like a child. What kind of excuse was that? He made himself sound pitiful.  
  
Ken brought them both down to the wooden floor, so that Leo could sit. Ken leaned the older carefully against the wall, and Leo lulled his head to the side, his mind still spinning a little.  
  
When he opened his eyes again his gaze met Ken’s, who was watching him patiently, but other than that, Leo couldn’t really read his expression.  
  
And then Ken finally spoke.  
  
“Show me your shoulder.”  
  
Leo hesitated, but wanted to brush it off.  
  
“I-It’s nothing….” He tried to pull his robe over himself, but it was stuck.  
  
“Show me.”  
  
“Jaehwan…”

Ken then reached over and grabbed the hem of his robe to pull it down. His arm and half his chest were freed of the protecting cloth, and he felt the chill creeping down his spine. The upper part of his arm was red, the bruise already evident a little, and it hurt. A dull, beating pain.

Ken softly brushed over the bruised area, examining the damage, and Leo hissed in response. The sound he made was closer to a moan, because damn did it hurt. The skin stretching over his bruise was burning.  
  
But Ken didn’t flinch back. If anything, it seemed he liked the awkward sound Leo had let loose.  
  
Leo tried to draw his arm away.  
  
“S-stop that, you’re hurting me,” Leo managed to say.  
  
“I’m sorry.”

Although Ken said that, he did not lift his hand from Leo’s skin. His fingertips slowly wandered, brushing against his collarbone, his neck, eyes fixed on his body.  
  
“Jaehwan.”  
  
Such soft, milky skin… Ken chewed on his bottom lip. He was only ever able to admire from afar. But now, now it was right in front of him. Leo was in front of him, grabbable.    
  
Real, warm, wet.  
  
“J-Jeah-”  
  
He caressed his chest, and his fingers trailed down to search for Leo’s stomach-  
  
“Jaehwan!!” a weak hand grabbed his arm and held him into place.  
  
Ken looked at Leo’s face, and only then noticed the panting mess Leo had become. His hand holding him was jittery, the white in his knuckles was showing.  
  
Leo was furrowing his brows, looking angered, lips in an almost flat line.  
  
So he was the sensitive type, Ken concluded.  
  
He couldn’t hide his smile.

“Stop… m-messing with me!” Leo tried to bring some distance between them, but failed. Ken was kneeling on his robe and he couldn’t move.  
  
“I’m not.”  
  
“Then what would you call this?” Leo accused, pointing with his eyes to Ken’s hand.  
  
“I’m just making sure you are ok.” Ken mocked again, smiling.  
  
“Cut it out.” Leo demanded, while Ken easily wiggled out of Leo's grip.  
  
“To me it looks like you are having a fair share of the fun, hyung,” said Ken and darted to Leo’s loins, and Leo may as well have fainted from the humiliation then and there, “…so why should I?” Ken’s eyes had just gotten a lot darker, Leo could have sworn. His hands brushed over his stomach and his chest, roaming torturously slow, reaching Leo’s neck, until one hand buried itself in his black, still wet hair. The other cupped his face, a thump brushing his cheek, and the gesture would have seemed caring if it wasn’t for the circumstances. Leo inhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut.  
  
Ken’s face hovered just a few centimetres away from Leo’s and Ken hungrily licked his plump lips.

“You know that he’s mine.”

Leo swallowed, opening his eyes.  
  
“W-What?”  
  
Ken starred at him, like he was supposed to know what he meant. And Leo soon realised what he was on about - but he couldn’t just play into Ken’s hands, so he played the oblivious although he knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere.  
  
“What are you talking about?”  
  
Ken went on starring at him.  
  
“Wonshik is mine.”  
  
Leo’s mouth went dry. He knew that already, but this statement hurt nonetheless. He looked away from Ken’s scrutinizing eyes.  
  
“You have seen how he looks at me longingly, how he sometimes forgets to breathe when I sing to him on stage… how I have trapped him with my charm.”  
  
Leo was well aware, he didn’t need a reminder. He didn’t know what was hurting more, his arm or the growing pain in his chest.  
  
“Do you want that for yourself, Taekwoon?”  
  
Leo kept silent, shutting his eyes. He felt tears burning behind his eyelids. He never cried, why now of all times? He blamed it on the alcohol.  
  
“Do you want to be called cute, to be adored from near and far?”

Leo finally looked Ken in the eyes. How should he respond? What should he say? And how was Ken hitting so close to home?  
  
Ken’s grip loosened, and his tone softened considerably.  
  
“Do you want to be held… To be kissed…?”

Leo swallowed again.  
  
Fuck, yes. Yes, he wanted exactly that, but couldn’t just nod frantically like he wanted to. He wanted love, he wanted affection, he craved it. But he had been good in masking that, or so he thought.  
  
Instead, he bit down his bottom lip, and Ken noticed it, taking it as the yes that it was.

Ken leaned back, completely letting go of Leo, and reached for his hand instead.  
  
Leo felt handled like he was a fragile piece of art, a stark contrast to mere moments before.

Ken held up Leo’s hand, kissing the back of it softly, mirroring what he had seen yesterday. With the help of his other hand he began putting on Leo’s bracelet that Leo didn’t notice Ken was holding.  
  
His diamond bracelet. Ravi’s bracelet.  
  
“I could give you all that, Taekwoon.”  
  
A soft ‘klick’ indicated the bracelet was fixed on Leo’s wrist again, and Leo’s eyes widened at the image in front of him. Ken was kissing his fingers, and they felt like flower petals, so soothing and buttery, he almost gave in completely.

And then Leo shivered, he couldn’t control it.

“-ah”  
  
Ken felt encouraged.  
  
“I would make you feel needed, wanted…”  
  
“Hh… “  
  
Ken’s kisses became slower, more tender.  
  
“I’d worship you, Taekwoon.”  
  
“P-Please” Ken looked up to Leo’s flushed face. Leo was so taken aback, both by his own body's reaction and Ken’s actions, that he stuttered again.  
   
“Anything you want.” Ken’s voice was like thick honey, coating his senses, but his lips didn’t stop.

“J-Jaehwanah, please,” Leo almost panted again, curling his toes.  
  
“Yes…?” Ken continued planting chaste kisses, and softly bit down on one digit, licking it, drawing the sweetest noise out of Leo.  
  
“A-ah..!”  
  
Ken’s desire was fuelled by the music he heard. If Leo made these sounds when he was barely touched, how would he react to something more intense?

“S-Stop!!”  
  
Leo finally broke free from Ken’s lips, and hid his hands in his chest. He curled himself into a ball in front of his eyes.

“Hah… hah… ”

Ken reached out to Leo, but the older warned him in between pants.  
  
“Don’t… don’t touch me… don’t touch me right now.”  
  
Shit.  
  
It finally dawned on Ken what he had been doing the whole time.  
  
Watching Leo turn away from him he regretted his actions instantly. He shouldn’t have let it come that far at such a speed.

A few months ago, when they discussed LR’s next steps, he knew he had to act, and he had to act fast. He knew from the moment Ravi and Leo decided on making a comeback as LR that he had to intervene.  
  
Leo was in love with Ravi, pretty much every member could tell. Heck, everybody could probably tell, except for Ravi. Since Leo and Ravi had started working together on their first album, there had been a change in dynamics in the group. But it had been for the better and Leo had become more social and open, so nobody questioned it.

Nobody questioned the reason.

N was side-glancing at them often. Leo was very bold about it at times, laughing and smiling at Ravi, touching and annoying him. Ken feared that although Ravi was totally smitten over him, he’d fall for Leo instead, and then it was game over for him. So he tagged along and made sure to keep his aegyo up for Ravi. Both him and Starlights loved it to bits, so it was a win-win situation.

His initial plan was to curt Leo, to make him to fall for him, even seduce him, but stupid him had no restrain after 3 years, and it ended in this… mess. He’d be lucky if he didn’t get pummelled by Leo once he was sober and not exhausted. Or it could get even worse, and Leo would hate him.

_‘Well done, Jaehwan.’_

Ken watched Leo trying to compose himself. Leo warned him to not touch him, but he had no choice. If he’d left Leo lying there in his wet robe, he’d get sick, that was for sure.  
  
“I said leave me alone, Jaehwan!” Leo protested, but Ken ignored him and picked the older up bridal style. Leo automatically pulled on his robe, trying to cover himself properly, and bowed his head down to his chest. All he wanted was to vanish.

Ken didn’t say a thing and carried him to the bedroom. Panic started to rise in Leo, and Ken felt him stiffen.

“I will just tug you in, I won’t do anything, promise.”  
  
Ken’s statement did not much for Leo, but he wanted to believe him. Ken reached the room, and lay Leo carefully down, letting him sit. Ken left the room and came back almost immediately, Leo didn’t even find the time to hide under the covers.  
  
“Taekwoon, please change.” Ken handed him pyjamas and underwear.  
  
Leo looked up to Ken, worried look in his eyes. Did he expect to change in front of him?  
  
“You need to change or you’ll get sick - for real.”

 Leo hesitated.  
  
“I’ll turn around,” Ken offered, and did as he said.  
  
Leo weakly pulled the robe down, and goose bumps formed on his skin. He fiddled with the fabric and pulled the shirt over his head, then put on his boxers, then his pants. It took him longer than expected. When Ken noticed he was finished he turned again, and came closer, hovering over Leo, who looked away.  
  
“Taekwoon… I meant what I said earlier.”  
  
He kneeled down and took one of Leo’s hand and kissed it, and Leo’s eyes automatically darted up to Ken’s face again.  
  
“I really do.” The older’s ears turned red at the sudden gesture, but couldn’t break away from Ken’s intense gaze.  
  
Ken let go, pushed him softly down and threw the covers over him, tugging him in. He bowed to pick up the robe, and went to the door.  
  
Ken had the sweetest, pained smile on his face, when he stood in the doorframe, and Leo was confused for good now.

“Sleep tight, Taek.”  
  
And with that the lights went out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think:)


	5. Chapter 5

Ken sat next to snoring Butt, the wet robe still in his hands. He pulled out his phone, and looked through Instagram, looking for any posts from the members. He had to distract himself from Leo and the whole situation, had to calm down his own heat.

N had actually posted a selca on set, while Hongbin had posted… nothing. Pretty typical. Ravi had a story posted with loud music, crazy lightshows and Hyuk grinning playfully in the camera, and he wished both had stayed home, because then the situation wouldn’t have escalated the way it did. He sighed. His eyes followed the wet trail Leo had left on the wooden floor, the clothes laying in a pile next to the bathroom door. He had to tidy up before Ravi and Hyuk showed up.  
  
Just when he had mopped away the water and thrown Leo’s clothes in the laundry basket, the front door opened and a very loud Ravi and Hyuk entered, the younger trying to cover Ravi’s mouth with his hands.  
  
“SHHH they might be sleeping! Shik!” Hyuk warned him, although laughing.  
  
“Mpff! Hyuk I can’t breathe! Let go-“ Ravi wiggled free, and both kept on giggling.  
  
“Daegunie will kill you~”  
  
“Keep on calling him ‘Daegunie’ and we’ll see who’ll die first!” Hyuk hit Ravi playfully and wobbled down to the floor, to take off his shoes.  
  
“Oi, I might need some help getting up again…” said Hyuk and lay down, spreading his limbs everywhere and groaning.

“Don’t expect me to help you,” said Ravi, who had taken his shoes off already and climbed clumsily over him.

“But I need to pee real bad~ Wonshik-hyung please help me uuup~” Ravi laughed and walked away, but not without tottering.  
  
When Hyuk spotted Ken coming around the corner he spread his arms out to the older.  
   
“Jaehwan-hyung!! Please help me up! I feel dizzy…”  
  
Ken grabbed his arm and lifted him up in a swift movement.  
  
“You guys had fun?” Ken didn’t let go of Hyuk, who he feared would lose his balance if he did.  
  
Hyuk leaned on him and giggled.  
  
“Lots and lots of fun!” Then his bladder reminded him he had to use the bathroom, and he excused himself. Ken looked after him as he staggered to the toilet.  
  
Ravi threw himself on one of the sofas, spotting sleeping Butt on the other. Leo sure had it in him to look after animals, he thought through a foggy mind.

Ken sat next to him, throwing one arm around his shoulders.  
  
“Which club was this on your insta story? It looked familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on it.”  
  
“It was the one we went to together with Hongbin, last year? ‘Black & White’? Yes, ‘Black & White.’”  
  
“Ah yes, I recall. Pretty crowded place.”  
  
“Yes, it was. Today too, but not as bad as last time.” Ravi didn’t say anything for a moment, enjoying Ken’s warm body next to him, and the faint smell of perfume which had started to wear off. But then Ravi broke the silence.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah, I missed you today…”  
  
“Ah, I missed you too, Wonshik.” The older smiled and ruffled Ravi’s sticky hair, amused. What pleasant distraction.  
  
“Please say it again.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“My name, hyung~,” Ravi pouted.  
  
“Wonshik~?” Ken mirrored Ravi’s playful tone, pinching his side, what made Ravi laugh.  
  
“Won-Shik… Won-Shik…” Ravi chimed, playing with the syllables. He leaned against Ken, cuddling up to him.

“Jae-Hwan-Ah…Jae-Hwan-Ah…” he soon began, and Ken thought he enjoyed this little moment a little bit too much, but it helped him come down, forget the disaster from earlier. He leaned his head on Ravi’s head and closed his eyes.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah… I missed you so much…” Ravi repeated, and wrapped his arms around Ken, and Ken hugged him back, After a moment of nuzzling, Ravi placed his hand behind Ken’s neck, pulling him towards him. Ken just giggled because he didn’t realise what Ravi was doing, but when he was close enough he closed the distance between them entirely.

His lips found Ken’s and he planted a messy, yet sweet kiss on the older. Ken didn’t have much time to react; next thing he knew it was over. Ravi had pushed him down on the sofa and hugged him, burying his face in his neck. His shirt shifted up as he clumsily wrapped his arms around Ken’s neck, laying on top of him now. Ravi feeling Ken’s warm skin against his cheek was the most soothing sensation, his smell so familiar and calming, he grinned into the others neck, at peace.  
  
“I love you so much, Jaehwan-ah~… I love you…”  
  
Ken automatically hugged him back, still processing what had happened.  
  
-o-O-o-  
  
  
When Hyuk got up the next morning, he feared he would feel somewhat hungover, but his headache was of rather mild nature. He searched for his phone and looked at the time.  
  
12:19.

He got up and went to the bathroom. He saw no one on his way, so he guessed that everyone was still asleep. He had a weird dream that night.  
  
The image of the living room sofa, dim light, Ken and Ravi embracing each other, and the younger talking sweet nothings to the other was burned into his mind. He remembered Ravi mumbling “I love you” all the time, and Ken not saying a thing, just holding him.  
  
How odd.  
  
Hyuk shook his head to erase this image from his mental eye, and regretted it in the next second.

“Ughhh.”  
  
After using the bathroom, he washed his face. In the mirror, he noticed a phone on the washing machine. After taking a closer look, he knew it was Leo’s.

It was strange, because Leo never left his phone unattended. When he turned around, he saw the liquor and the glass on the floor. The glass had a blue stain at the bottom, and smelled like perfume. Leo must have left it there yesterday when he took a bath. He took the glass, the bottle and Leo’s phone, and headed to the kitchen.

When he pulled a bottle of orange juice out of the fridge he heard the keys in the front door, and Ken entered with Butt on the leash. The small dog wiggled happily with his tail and waited till Ken let him loose, which he did. Ken took off his jacket and saw Hyuk, greeting him good morning. Butt trotted to the sofa and jumped on it, curling himself into a ball between the cushion.  
  
Ken noticed the liquor and Leo’s phone on the dining table, and Hyuk followed Ken’s eyes.  
  
“I think Daegunie spent some quality time alone in the bath yesterday,” Hyuk remarked.  
  
Ken left a bag from the bakery nearby on the table, and offered Hyuk to take some while still warm.  
  
“I guess you took Butt for a walk because Shiki is shitfaced? How considerate of you.”  
  
Ken’s mind revolved around Ravi for a moment, and what the other had done last night. He still felt Ravi’s weight on his body.  
  
He was still unsure how’d face him today.  
  
Or Leo.  
  
Well.  
  
“Hyung? You alright?”, Hyuk asked. Although he was still tired, he noticed Ken’s mind was occupied with something.  
  
“Uhm, yes. Ah, Hyuki, please help yourself-“

Leo’s phone rang, and both starred at it for a moment until Ken examined the screen. It was their manager, and he picked up.  
  
“Hello?”

“Jaehwan?  Oh I thought I dialled Taekwoon’s number-“  
  
“You did! It’s just that he is still asleep, so I picked up instead. Is there anything I can help you with?”  
  
“I just wanted to inquire about their work on their album. I tried to call Wonshik-ah but he doesn’t pick up.”  
  
Hyuk heard the conversation though the phone and grinned.  
  
“Oops,” he formed with his mouth and shoved food in it.  
  
“They… well they both took a cup too much yesternight. Is there anything I should tell them?”  
  
“Just to get in touch with me. I want to know how far they’ve come, and If they need anything.”  
  
“Alright.”  
  
“Alright, thank you Jaehwan. Goodbye.”  
  
Ken pulled a croissant out of the bag.  
  
“Hyung, shouldn’t we wake them up? They’ll miss the whole day.”  
  
From the hall they heard Ravi groaning, and his naked feet hitting the wooden floor as he was waddling to the kitchen. He looked like a mess, and his eyes were swollen. He wore his pyjama shirt inside out, and his red boxers were peeking out, but it seemed he hadn’t noticed. He hid his eyes with his hand.  
  
“Can you guys pull the curtains closed? It hurts my eyes.”  
  
Hyuk briefly stared at Ravi’s boxers, but then stood up and did as Ravi requested.  
  
“Uggh… I need a coffee.” Ken swallowed, but did his best to act as if nothing happened. It seemed Ravi had forgotten about last night on the couch entirely.  
  
It was for the best.  
  
Ravi sat down and massaged his temples, until he looked Hyuk in the face properly.  
  
“How come you’re not hungover? You drank as much as me!”  
  
“I was drunk, but not as much as you were, because I was drinking non-alcoholic drinks in between,” Hyuk winked triumphantly at his hyung.  
  
Ravi didn’t say anything, and when Ken turned up next to him with a coffee in his hand, he accepted thanking him.  
  
He took a sip, holding the cup with both hands.  
  
“Where’s Daegunie?”

“I think he is hungover, too,” Hyuk pointed to the bottle on the table.  
  
“With half a bottle of liquor? Seriously? He usually tolerates much more.”  
  
Hyuk shrugged.

“He was asleep when I came back home, maybe it’s not the only thing he treated himself to?” Ken offered.  
  
“I’m not hungover.”  
  
Leo suddenly appeared behind them, hair a flying mess, and if looks could kill Ken would have dropped dead.  
  
Ken smiled nonchalantly, masking his thoughts, and the others caught the death-glare that was directed at him.     
  
“Hyung, good morning…” Hyuk said as if he wasn’t sure if Leo would pick him as his next target to glare at.  
  
Leo ignored the greeting and strode to the kitchen area and prepared himself a coffee.  
  
He sat next to Ravi, and kept on shooting arrows at Ken. The other watched him considering, and suddenly Ravi kissing him last night seemed kind of amusing to him, especially now that Leo sat next to his object of desire, oblivious. Now that everything happened the way it did, he might as well make the most out of it.

Ken gave Leo a knowing smile, and the other recognised it as an attempt to mock him.  
  
“Did you two fight yesterday or something?” Ravi elbowed Leo softly, but Leo didn’t respond, only took a sip from his over-sweetened coffee.  
  
“He is probably just grumpy because I woke him up. I kinda dropped Butt’s metal-bowl on the floor right in front of his door, early in the morning.”  
  
That asshole had absolutely no problem coming up with a lie on a whim, and a good one at that too, thought Leo, and tried to come up with something smart to counter. Anger was boiling in his stomach.  
  
Ken put his hands together in front of his face, begging.  
  
“Please forgive me, hyung, it won’t happen again”, he said, and had the nerve to wink at Leo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I initially considered making two chapters out of this, but I didn't want to be an ass :')
> 
> So... please let me know what you think! I keep re-reading your comments, they motivate me :'')


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, but I didn't want to shove the next part into this one.

Ravi was sitting in the studio going through his notes. Butt was sleeping on his lap again, and he had a coffee mug in his hand, which Leo had brought him a few moments ago. Leo was laying on the sofa, practising the songs of their album, trying to memorise the lyrics. His own coffee was on the floor, where his hand hovered over the heat.  
  
There was a knock on the door, and Hyuk entered.  
  
“Ah, hyung,“ he looked at Leo, “we forgot to tell you that our manager called you yesterday.”  
  
“Oh I’ve already called him back, don’t worry,” told him Ravi, who had turned on his seat to face him.  
  
Leo just continued singing, looking up and nodding at Hyuk that he was dismissed. Hyuk tried to find yesterday’s bad mood on Leo, but gladly failed, or so he thought.  
  
“Alright, sorry I interrupted,” Hyuk said and closed the door.  
  
“So?” asked Leo, who stopped singing as soon as Hyuk disappeared.

“Just the usual checking, wanted to know if we needed anything.”

Butt yawned on Ravi’s lap, signalling that he was waking up from his nap. Leo pushed himself up, noticing the stretched-out tongue appearing with Butt’s yawn.  
  
“Hey there…” he stood up, only to sit down in front of Ravi on the floor, in front of Butt.  
  
Leo started scratching Butt’s head with his nails, causing the small dog to press his eyes shut at the sensation.

Leo smiled at him, and his smile became even wider when he noticed Ravi’s heart-felt one that was reserved only for his dog.  
  
“So cute,” said Ravi, and Leo wished it was directed at him.  
  
“So cute…”  
  
 Ravi noticed Leo’s sad face, a stark contrast to the bright smile from mere moments ago.  
  
“Taekwoon.”  
  
“Hm?” Leo’s thoughts were interrupted.  
 

“What happened yesterday with Jeahwan… I feel like you’re not telling me something.”  
  
Leo’s mind raced back to Wednesday night, then to Friday night, and his facial expression changed to stone.  
  
“Teak tell me.”  
  
“It’s nothing.”  
  
“Taek please. I thought we trusted each other. Don’t hold back.”  
  
Leo couldn’t tell him, there was no chance. And how could you even put into words what had happened? He found it difficult defining it for himself, let alone explain it to someone else.

Leo averted Ravi’s gaze and stayed silent, until the younger grabbed Leo´s hand. Leo immediately stopped caressing Butt, and Butt blinked, looking at the hand centimetres away from his head.

“Taekwoon…”  
  
“I… I think I was just irritated because I couldn’t fall asleep the other night… And just when I was finally drifting off, he startled me to death.”  
  
Ravi was eyeing him patiently, waiting for Leo to add something to his statement.  
  
“Honestly. I was just really pissed.”  
  
Ravi let go of him, and leaned back in his seat. Leo immediately missed the warm sensation on his skin, and sadness tugged at his heart. He rubbed his bruised shoulder, trying to concentrate the pain elsewhere.  
  
“Ok,” Ravi said, starring down on Leo, who still couldn’t look him in the eyes.

-o-O-o-

The album production went on smoothly, although Ravi was still worried about Leo. Something was off about him, and Leo would often carry a melancholic look on his face when he thought no one was watching. Ravi felt distance building up between them, and it was something that was saddening him. He had even asked Ken about that day too, and he had just smiled apologetically at him telling him “that’s the whole story to it”.  
  
Hyuk had noticed the mood change too, and felt trapped between Leo and whatever was bothering him. He talked with Ravi about it and decided to give it a try to lift his spirit. And one sure way to get Leo to lighten up had always been with food. If this didn’t help, they’d had to ask N-hyung for advice, but as long as they could avoid it, they wouldn’t. So one day, Hyuk came back from his piano lessons and opened the door to the studio, and spotted Leo laying on the couch again, going though colour concepts, and Ravi on his laptop. Ravi saw him in the doorframe and nodded ok at Hyuk, pointing with his eyes to Leo. Leo’s mood was not as bad today.  
  
“Hey hyung!” Hyuk greeted Leo overenthusiastically. Leo looked up, and greeted him back, although with less excitement.  
  
“Hyung, why don’t we go eat something?”  
  
Leo thought about it. He had not eaten much after breakfast, and his stomach was starting to growl at the thought of food.  
  
“Now?”  
  
“Why, are you two too busy?”

“Hyung, you can go if you want,” Ravi offered. “We can go through everything tomorrow. You got a first impression, now let it go through your mind and you can tell me tomorrow which one you prefer.”  
  
“You won’t join us?” Leo tried to hide the sadness in his voice, but failed. So he coughed so over-exaggeratedly to cover up the awkward sound of it, which made it even odder.  
  
Hyuk and Ravi exchanged short glances, searching for an answer in each other’s eyes to Leo’s almost cringeworthy behaviour, and none of them had one.  
  
“I have to go through some e-mails due tomorrow. You two go have some fun and treat yourselves.”  
  
Leo looked down, not responding.  
  
“My treat?” Hyuk added with a huge question mark.  
  
“Ok… “ Leo pushed himself up like it was the most difficult quest in the world, and Hyuk though his nickname ‘grandpa’ was at times like this very accurate.  
  
“Shik-ah… should we get you anything?”

“No, I’ll order something, don’t bother.”  
  
“Ok…” Leo said kind of absentmindedly, leaving the room like a ghost to get changed. Both Ravi and Hyuk followed Leo leaving with their eyes, and when he was out of sight, Hyuk turned around to Ravi.  
  
“What the hell was that!” Hyuk mouthed silently, throwing his hands overdramatically in the air. Leo was almost next door, so he couldn’t risk him to hear them.  
  
“Do I look like I know??” Ravi shrugged theatrically, his eyebrows almost reaching his hairline.  
  
Hyuk scratched his head and turned on his heel to get his jacket, and went to the living room to wait for Leo to get ready.

On second thought, Hyuk had an idea what this was about.

But he couldn’t speak his thoughts out loud.

-o-O-o-

Hyuk and Leo came back at 23:50. They had visited their favourite Italian restaurant, and the owner, as always, loved having them as guests. When she spotted them, she greeted them with her warmest smile, and ordered two bottles of their latest imported wine. Hyuk and Leo declined at first, but she told them they couldn't reject her gift. She sat for a short while by their table before she was asked to check something in the kitchen.  
  
“Well then”, Hyuk said, and purred wine into their glasses. Leo was still at first, but soon started to loosen up a bit. The wine was so delicious, they emptied both bottles and even ordered one more, and by the time Leo and Hyuk left, they were a bit drunk.  
  
Hyuk even bought one extra bottle, saying Leo could cook his rose pasta with it. He just nodded, agreeing. The night was warm and they enjoyed the comfortable silence between them till they reached home.  
  
Leo entered their flat soundlessly, and Hyuk mirrored his hyung. Ken was sitting on the sofa, reading through a script for a musical he had gotten a request for, and Ravi was sleeping with Butt on his chest, his head on Ken's lap. Butt was also fast asleep in Ravi's pullover, and just his head was visible, resting under Ravi’s chin.  
  
Hyuk noticed the glances between Leo and Ken, and started babbling to loosen up the situation.  
  
“Daeguni and I had the most delish wine today, I even bought one bottle so that we can eat Gunie's pasta with it.” He handed the bottle to Ken who examined the label.  
  
“Hey, I think the winery is near the place we visited in Italy.”  
  
“It is?” asked Hyuk, reclaiming the bottle to examine it in return.  
  
“Too loud...” came from Ken's lap, and Ravi turned his face to Ken's belly, readjusting.  
  
“Sorry,” whispered Hyuk and left to put the bottle in one of the kitchen cupboards.  
When he returned Leo had sat opposite to Ken, leaning back, staring holes at the younger but not saying anything. Hyuk observed for a short moment, but then left to use the bathroom. He hoped his hyungs wouldn't jump at each other. He knew something was up, he had it on the tip of his tongue, but the linking information was shoved away in some remote area of his brain.  
  
After a short moment Ravi started snoring softly, indicating he had fallen asleep again. Leo watched Ravi and Ken, eyes jumping from the one to the other. Ken smiled at him, and started petting Ravi's hair affectionately. Leo's eyes were fixed on the slow movement, and he hated Ken for exploiting the situation. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to stand up and leave, so he wordlessly monitored the situation. Ken had long left the script down, and leaned his head cockily on his now free hand. His fingers started combing through Ravi's black hair, while his other fingers playfully drummed against his own cheek. Ken noticed Leo's eyes on his mouth, and tenderly bit down his bottom lip.  
  
Leo mentally kicked himself when he noticed his pulse.

He loved Ravi, how could Ken provoke him to this extend? Why was it that he was reacting to this?  
  
The other noticed Leo's growing inner turmoil, and smiled shamelessly at his hyung. He trapped his ring finger between his teeth, and started softly biting down his skin.  
  
“Shouldn't we put him in his bed?” Hyuk appeared behind them, rubbing his eyes and yawning.  
  
Leo abruptly stood up, and made his way past Hyuk, almost bumping into him, and to one of the bedrooms.  
  
Hyuk eyes widened at the sudden reaction, and he glared at Ken.  
  
“What is going on between you two...”  
  
“I think the wine has gotten to his head”, Ken said, and pocked Ravi's cheek to wake him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, love reading your thoughts...


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's so short, needed to separate things.

_‚Bean, tell me if you have some time off later. I need to talk to you.’_

-sent-

Hyuk left his phone on the couch-table, and combed with one hand through his hair. Leo and Ravi had met up with their manager, and Ken was in a meeting for the upcoming musical he’d be part of.  
  
He had the day off, and he felt fairly lonely in the big dorm flat. Ravi had even taken Butt with him, and the silence was so off-putting, considering how lively it usually was there.

He turned on the TV, something he rarely did when he thought about it. He zapped through the stations, not looking for anything in particular. At least their flat filled with life again he thought, as he dismissed one show after the other.  
  
When he stumbled over a drama he had already seen years ago, he left the controller on the couch-table and leaned his head down on the sofa arm, and soon fell asleep.  
  
The loud noise of his phone vibrating rhythmically on the table startled him, and when he grabbed the phone to answer, he picked the remote controller instead. Confused he searched for his phone which was dancing its path to the edge of the table, and finally he was able to pick up.

“Urm, hello?” Hyuk felt blind, his eyes were glued together, swollen.

“Hyuki? I texted you, but you didn’t call me back.”

“Bean! Sorry, I fell asleep…” Hyuk lay back down on the sofa, rubbing his eyes.

“Oh ok. So it was not that important after all, so I guess…” Hongbin joked, pretending to hang up.

“Bean! I’m sorry! Please don’t hang up!” Hyuk laughed. “It IS important.” Hyuk could feel Hongbin grinning on the other side of the line.

“Is the important message maybe ‘I’ and ‘miss’ and ‘you’?” Hongbin teased, and Hyuk wondered how Hongbin was not feeling itchy all over for being so overly sweet.

“More like ‘I’ and ‘want’ and ‘to’ and ‘f…’ ” Hyuk made sure to whisper the last part into the phone, his mischievous smile plastered across his face.

“Han. Sang. Hyuk. I hope you are alone, wherever you are…” Hongbin warned him with a dark voice.

“Maybe… maybe not.” Hyuk enjoyed this far too much, and teasing Hongbin would always be his weak point, whether it was throwing leaves at him or teasing him about his cooking skills, although he couldn’t exactly boast about his own.

“Why are you doing this to me… You know it’ll take at least another week till I’ll see you again.”  
Hyuk felt a little guilty now, but his teasing was not of evil nature, so he just teased a little more.

“You wanted to hang up on me, so I’m just getting my well-deserved revenge.”

“You are evil!” Hongbin tried to sound shocked, but soon started giggling, although he tried to suppress it.

“I just have to defend myself from my equally as evil hyung, that’s all.”

They both giggled now, and it was so adorable and stupid, they looked like two pre-schoolers laughing at their own jokes.  
  
“Hongbin,” Hyuk suddenly sounded more pensive, “the reason I wanted to talk to you was about something else though…”

“Huh? Hyuki you sound too serious all of a sudden.”

“Well, it is about something pretty serious.”

Hyuk heard Hongbin moving around through the phone, and it sounded like he had sat down somewhere and made himself comfortable.

Hongbin's tone changed.

“Tell me.”

Hyuk tried to order his thoughts.

“You remember how I’ve been telling you about Taekwoon, and his odd behaviour? His death glares towards Jaehwan? His apathy at times?”

“Yes, and I’ve been thinking... We should ask Hakyeon, although I bet Taekwoon would be pissed if he found out…”

“Well, anyway, listen. A few nights ago, I had a weird dream,” he began, and he wondered if it was a good idea to involve Hongbin in this, too.

“I saw… In my dream I saw Jaehwan and Wonshik-hyung… They… they were laying on the couch in the living room, Wonshik on top of Jaehwan and… and Wonshik was repeating “I love you”, like a prayer. And Jaehwan was hugging him, I think even stroking his hair…”

“Wha- wait… Hyuki… are you telling me… are you telling me you had a wet dream with-“

“GOSH no!! Bean… I think... This wasn’t just a dream… I believe that what I saw, actually happened. It was the night Wonshik was pretty wasted, and I had my fair share of drinks, too, remember?”

Hongbin didn’t say a thing, digesting the information.

“I think… You know how all over the place Daegunie has been for Wonshik, I’m sure you’ve noticed?”

Again, silence.  
  
“I think that maybe… maybe he saw them. I think he saw them like I did and is pissed at Jaehwan, and at the same time sad because Wonshik… well…”

“And how do you know for sure it was _not_ a dream? And what about Ravi, what does he say?” Hongbin questioned, still not sure if all this made any sense.

“I wondered because I rarely dream at all, less so if I had a drink or two. And the dream was too vivid… I remember how Wonshik’s red boxers peeped out of his black pants when he was laying on Jaehwan, and the next morning he wore the exact same boxers, they peeped out of his messy pyjamas. And Jaehwan acted odd the next morning, he was kind of antsy, he-“

“Hyuki…”

“Bean… I miss you… I miss your presence… The atmosphere here sometimes is so asphyxiating, I just want to leave them on their own to sort things out but I’m afraid they’ll be at each other’s throats the moment I leave.”

“I miss you too, Hyuki… I… I don’t know what to say to this whole situation… I wish I could help you.”  
  
They resorted to silence for a few moments, until Hongbin tried to approach the answer at hand.

“Hyuki, maybe we should tell Hakyeon-hyung after all…”


	8. Chapter 8

Leo was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. The last days had been pretty exhausting, both because of the deadline and… Ken. While his heart kept on longing for Ravi and his attention, his body had been deceiving him constantly. Adding to that, the younger would choose the most inconvenient moments to bug him, tease him, irritate him, and his mind was playing him, too. Whenever Ken made a move on him and left him alone after, his brain seemed to continue Ken’s game. 

Like a snippet inserted before his mental eye, the biting of a finger would become sucking, the caressing of his neck would become unbuttoning his shirt. He couldn’t even watch Ken eat and drink anymore, his eyes would follow the movement of his adam’s apple, would watch his tongue lick over his lips, would examine every vein visible on Ken’s pale hand while the other would guide food to his mouth. Whenever Ken caught him watching, he’d avert his gaze immediately.

He threw the covers over his head, cursing. He hadn’t been the same since that night three weeks ago, and he hated it. He felt like losing control, and this was something he couldn’t deal with. He couldn’t stand being close to Ken, but for the reason that he couldn’t tell what his own reaction would be if provoked to a certain extend. It had come to the point where he was avoiding Ravi, too, because his head was such a mess, although he needed to be close to him.  
Truth was, Ken had planted a seed in him, and this seed started to grow roots and drain him, manipulate him. Ken’s promise sounded sweet, and the weight of its meaning was clouding his mind.

Leo groaned when he noticed the heat reaching his loins again. He had deliberately refused to seek release the last few times, and frustration was building up in him. Wouldn’t it be proof of him giving in to Ken, handing himself over?

When 15 minutes had passed, and he hadn’t managed to avert his thoughts from Ken, he wondered if a cold shower would do the job. He wouldn’t fall asleep like this, he knew. He pushed himself up, and felt his boxers tight on his hard on. The fabric was teasing his heated skin, and the sensation was irritating him. Why on earth was he in this condition, why was even the tug of the fabric on his dick sending shivers down his spine? He felt overly sensitive, electrified, denying his skin the sweet release had come with a price, apparently. He realized his legs were weak when his feet touched the floor, so there was no way he could stand up and take a shower. 

Great.

Angry, he pushed himself back until his back found the wall. He bit down his lip, regretting in that moment having ever met Ken. He knew he was exaggerating, but still. Where had the times gone where Ken would just be Jaehwan, the Jaehwan that loved practicing with him, loved teasing him for his rather high voice and copied him in interviews? Acted cute around him while Leo pretended he didn’t care? The lovely Jaehwanie that loved harmonising with him while warming up for a recording, who sometimes would mess up the dance on live-broadcasts, and Leo would annoy him about it after N scolded him?

Damn it.

He reached for his pants, but hesitated. He shut his eyes and groaned.

He exhaled, and slipped his fingers under the fabric.

He pulled himself out, and let his head hit the wall behind him.

“Jaehwan, you ass…” he began with a muted voice. Verbally expressing himself had never been his forte, nor was it typical for him to curse and say it out loud, but his anger broke through this barrier.

He started stroking himself, and his fingers felt wet already with precum. 

Shit shit shit-

“J-Jaehwan, you… damn -ah…” Leo continued louder, having found an outlet for his frustration, his bellied-up steam. It was way past 2 in the morning, so everyone should be sleeping. 

“You… ah-” His voice broke, and he felt drifting into the sweet bliss his heated flesh had been seeking since forever.

“Hah… Hah…”

Ken’s eyes from a few days ago came into his mind. The image of the boy biting down his digit, smiling cheekily. Plush pink lips, pale hand, strings of hair moving as he tilted his head, leaning against his palm. He could have sworn he saw him forming his name with his mouth.

‘Taekwoon...’

Ken’s word echoed in his head.

\- Do you want to be held, to be kissed -

Leo swallowed. His hand worked faster, his hips moved along. 

\- I could give you all that -

His grip around himself tightened, the movement quickened. A gasp left his mouth.

\- I could make you feel needed, wanted -

With a heavy gaze Leo starred down on himself, feeling his hot breath on his chest.

Just what had Ken done to him?

“Hah… “

\- I’d worship you, Taekwoon -

Leo shut his eyes, and Ken’s lips, formed into a cocky smile that reached his eyes, appeared behind his lids.

‘Taekwoon…’

“Hck…”

His threw his head back, colliding with the wall, and felt losing grip, felt being washed away, and letting go was all he wanted, all he seeked.

He gasped for air as he finally found release, finally tipped over the edge, his mouth forming a silent cry. His free hand was gripping the fabric on his chest, and it felt like the only thing keeping him in the land of the wake.


	9. Chapter 9

The colours for this comeback were decided, and Ravi was very pleased with himself. Navi blue, crimson red. It was his favourite pick, amongst blue and cream (which was too close to their former concept colours of their debut, but still) and silver, turquoise and mustard (at first, he was not digging it much, but when he saw swatches he could imagine them pulling it off, and it was a fresh colour concept not much seen on VIXX).  
  
In the end they found it didn’t fit the concept of the music, and navy and crimson was something they both could agree on. It was a duo that could be versatilely combined for their comeback; they could either keep it light and airy, reproducing natural hues and patterns inspired by flowers, the sky, the ocean. They could also go for colour symbolism and personify crimson’s hate, love, passion, and navy’s coldness and calmness, harmony. Always in the back of his mind was the main idea “soulmates”, which was something he still had to discuss with Leo.

The older’s behaviour lately was still a mystery to him.  He missed the “old” Leo dearly, but somehow he didn’t dare ask Leo about it again and just hoped that it was just a phase of some sorts. He missed his occasional almost inaudible snickering when he was on his phone, he missed his input on the album, which was much more enthusiastic in the beginning, he missed his friend who he could come to if something bothered him. Their idea they had together with Hyuk worked for a day or so, and Hongbin was too busy at the moment, as was N. He didn’t know what to tell them or ask of them anyway. “Leo is behaving oddly, please help me?”

He sighed.  
  
It was Wednesday, about 10:30, and he realised he was the only one awake, or at least up and there. Hyuk probably was somewhere getting breakfast with a friend, Ken had a briefing for the musical and the location. He checked the bathrooms but none was occupied, and realised Leo must be still sleeping. His phone probably had run out of battery or he had forgotten to put a timer, and he decided to check on him.  
  
When he opened the door he found Leo half covered under the blanked, and his phone on the ground. He was wearing dark pyjamas, and his shirt was only half buttoned. His milky skin made a stark contrast to the dark silk, and Ravi was in awe at how handsome his hyung looked even in this disarray. When he came closer he noticed Leo’s bruised shoulder peeking through his clothes, and it looked like it was an older bruise because it was faintly coloured brown and purple.  
  
When had this happened?

Ravi watched Leo breathing peacefully, his dark soft hair covering his eyes like a curtain. Should he wake him up? He was not sure… there was no rush today, he hadn’t planned anything in particular, nor was anything scheduled workwise for today. So why not let him sleep a little bit more? Just as he wanted to stand up from the bed and leave, Leo’s phone rang, and the vibrations were so strong and noisy they startled Ravi and woke Leo up. The older instinctively reached for the phone on the floor, and when he found it he automatically picked up, without checking who called him in the first place.  
  
“Yes, hello?” he answered with a raspy voice.  
  
“Taekwoon? This is Hakyeon.”  
  
“Hakyeon?” Leo pushed himself up, and only after rubbing his eyes softly first he realised Ravi was sitting on the edge of the bed.

Surprised, he didn’t say anything, and it took him a moment to notice that his shoulder and chest were exposed because the buttons of his shirt had become undone. Almost letting the phone fall he pulled on the silk and the bedsheet to cover himself, a blush spreading on his cheeks. It wasn’t the first time Ravi saw his chest (or him naked for that matter) but he was painfully aware of his still healing shoulder and his nakedness, of the night of origin of his bruise, and then of course, his mind reminded him what he had done the night before, and he didn’t know if he... if his pyjamas were without stain.

Leo shortly looked at Ravi like a startled kitten and turned away, and Hakyeon’s muffled voice was the only thing that was audible through the fabric of his pyjamas and the covers, somewhat breaking the silence. Again, like often the past days, Ravi didn’t know what to make out of Leo’s behaviour. So he decided to give him some space and stood up, mouthed a silent “sorry” and apologized with half a bow (which was too formal but he felt he had to do it), and left the room.  
  
Leo’s heart was pounding in his chest. What was Ravi doing here, while he was still asleep? How long had he been sitting there-“  
  
“…gu..ie?”  
  
Leo remembered the phone in his hand, and held it up to his ear again.  
  
“Daegunie? Hey are you ok??”  
  
“Hakyeon… I’m sorry, I dropped the phone and couldn’t find it” Leo was rather proud of how natural his lie sounded, and waited for N’s reply.

“Well, ok, I hope your phone is still ok.”  
  
“Uhm, y-yes, don’t worry.”  
  
“Did I wake you up just now?”  
  
“Actually…yes.”  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t mean to…”

After a moment of awkward silence N continued. The atmosphere felt kind of heavy.  
  
“Taekwoon… What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing… I just woke up, and I’m still-”  
  
“No, not that,” N interrupted. “I mean… What’s been up with you lately? What’s bothering you?”  
  
Leo swallowed. He remembered he wanted to consult N at some point, but what should he tell him now? He couldn’t tell him that he is sad because of... because of heartache, and confused because of Ken. Or should he? How would N react? He trusted him so much, but these were topics he tried to avoid with him, even avoided to face alone. But… but how did N know about this? Was it so obvious the last time he spoke to him on the phone?  
  
“Taekwoon… You can confide in me…You know that.”

“Hakyeon… I…Uhm…”  
  
“I know there is something conflicting you. This much I can tell by your voice alone. And I wonder how I didn’t notice last time we spoke… I’m really sorry.”  
  
So how did he know now? Did someone tell him?  
  
“Who…”  
  
“Did you fight with Jaehwan?”  
  
Leo swallowed. No, no he didn’t. Or did he? Ugh, this was so frustrating.  
  
“N-no.”  
  
“Then did he say anything?”  
  
“…Like?”  
  
“I don’t know… Did he… did he say something hurtful, did he… was there anything he did that still bothers you?”  
  
“…”  
  
\- Wonshik is mine -  
  
\- I’d worship you, Taekwoon -

God, he just wanted to erase that day from existence. After a moment of silence, N continued.

“Taekwoon …are you shying away?”  
  
“Hakyeon… I…”  
  
“You can talk to me… I might be able to help you.”

“…”

“Taekwoon…” Hakyeon swallowed. “…I know… about that night.”  
  
All colour left Leo’s face, and he forgot to breathe.

He did what? Since when? How? Out of all things N could have said, this was something Leo expected the least.

Shock was keeping him mute.

“And I know about… your feelings. I’ve known since long ago, actually.” Leo listened in disbelief.

“…how”, was all that Leo managed to say. How on earth did he know??  
  
Ken.  
  
“J-Jaehwan? D-did he… why did he…”  
  
“No, it was not Jaehwan… I don’t think he would have told me.”

Not Ken? Not him?? Then who?! Did somebody see them?? Watch them?! Panic started to prickle his skin, fill his stomach, and he started to sweat. He needed fresh air.  
  
“Taekwoon… I know you’re hurt… But I don’t think it’s Jaehwanie’s fault, so please… don’t be too hard on him.”

N’s words didn’t make sense. It was ONLY Ken’s fault, how was anything of this not his fault? He took advantage of the situation, he told him all these lewd things, had touched him inappropriately, he was the reason he was in this condition of constant confusion, that everything was such a mess.  
  
“Wonshik was pretty drunk, and you know how he always is with Jaehwanie…”

Leo’s mind raced…

Drunk Ravi? With Ken?

What was N talking about…? Were they on the same line?  
  
“Hakyeon… I don’t understand… what are you talking about? Which night?”  
  
N’s silence showed that he realised they had been talking past one another. He hesitated a little.

Maybe Hyuk had not been right about his assumption? He swallowed.

“I mean… that night when Sanghyuk and Wonshik went out…” N said timidly.  
  
Ok, they were talking about the same night, but certainly different events.  
  
“What... what happened that night?”  
  
“Wait…” N couldn’t help but pause. “So you don’t know?”  
  
“Know what, Hakyeon?”  
  
The older kept quiet, and Leo realised something serious must have happened.

Something between Ravi and Ken?  
  
“Hakyeon… please…”  
  
“Taekwoon… What did you think I was talking about?”  
  
“Don’t avoid my question...”  
  
“I… I was talking to Sanghyuk and he… he must be mistaken, I’m sorry. Please forget I ever said anything.”  
  
“Hakyeon…” Leo said almost pleading, but the older did not falter.  
  
“Hakyeon, you call me, claim to know how I feel, talk about something I’m not aware of, and then won’t set things straight after working me up?”  
  
After a pregnant pause, N continued.  
  
“Taek…Ok, listen. Hyuk was worried… He called me and told me… He told he you saw something that had you sad and pissed ever since. And because you close yourself off to anyone trying to come too close, he believed I might be able to help you, since you tend to open up to me a little bit easier. But from what I get you didn’t see anything…”

Leo blinked, trying to understand, trying to order his thoughts. His mouth felt dry.  
  
“Tell me…”  
  
“Taekwoon…” N paused again. After short moment, he continued reluctantly.

“I know you love Wonshik…”

Leo exhaled, shutting hid eyes.

Damn N and his ability to read him. Leo bit down his lip.

So how long till everybody knew about it?  
  
“…”

“You don’t need to know, please trust me.”

“Hakyeon, what happened? What am I missing? For god’s sake, tell me!!”  
  
“…” N still tried to avoid him.

“I’ll ask Hyuk then.”  
  
“Taekw-!“  
  
Leo hung up, and threw his phone on the bed. With both hands, he brushed through his hair, and he stared down on the floor.

Ravi.

He made sure his clothes were not a mess or gross, and fled the room. Ravi was sitting on the sofa eating an apple, and almost chocked when he saw Leo running out, almost furious.  
  
“Wonshik!”  
  
Leo strode to him, and trapped Ravi between his arms on the sofa. Ravi instantly leaned back, swallowing down his last bite.  
  
“What happened 3 weeks ago?”  
  
“Daegunie, what…”  
  
“3 weeks ago, when Hyuk and you got drunk.”

“Did something happen? I-I don’t know?”  
  
“With Jaehwan?”

Ravi just rose his eyebrows in a question, not knowing what Leo was referring to.

“I don’t know!”  
  
Leo let go of Ravi, putting some distance between them.  
  
“Taekwoon, what’s going on? What did Hakyeon tell you?”

“Where is Hyuk?”  
  
“I think he left early to meet a friend… Taek, please-” Ravi tried to stop him with no success.  
  
Leo turned to make his way back to his phone, when Ravi captured his hand.  
  
“Daegunie… Taek… what is it? Why are you not talking to me?”  
  
Leo just watched Ravi’s hand and broke free to fetch his phone. Ravi caring about him was sweet, but he couldn’t deal with it right now.  
  
“And what happened to your shoulder?” Leo stopped midway, and told Ravi one last thing.  
  
“I... I’ll tell you sometime soon, but not now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	10. Chapter 10

“Hyuki, I need to go back…”

“But It’s only been one hour!”

“It’s 11 already.”

Hyuk took a look at his watch.

“Uff, ok, maybe two hours, but still…”

“I need to get my make-up done.”

“You don’t need any,” said Hyuk, nuzzling his face in the crook of the older’s neck.

“Thanks to you, I do! Probably more than usually.”

“Wait, how is this my fault?”

“Do you really need an answer to that…” Hongbin said, as he followed with his pointing finger all the way from Hyuk’s collarbone to his navel, stopping at the trail of soft hair which lead to Hyuk’s-

“Hm… yes, please tell me…”, said the younger, smiling dreamily, as he leaned in to catch Hongbin’s lips.

Hongbin slid a finger under the hem of Hyuk’s boxers and pulled on the fabric, only to let it snap back onto Hyuk’s skin.

Hyuk got startled and stopped kissing Hongbin for a second, and the later took advantage of the moment and pinned the younger down on the bed.

“I really need to go,” he smiled apologetically.

Hongbin kissed Hyuk’s nose and left the younger on the bed, who folded his arms in front of his chest, pouting.

“Ugh, when will filming be over already.”

“Soon, I promise.” Hongbin wrapped himself in one of the bed sheets and stood up.

He picked up his clothes from the floor, which lead all the way from the door to the bedroom of the hotel. He couldn’t seem to find one piece though.

“Are you looking for these?” Hyuk held Hongbin’s boxer briefs in his hand, letting them dangle nonchalantly from one finger.

Hongbin reached to get them, but Hyuk pulled his hand back, hiding them behind his back.

“Kiss me first.”

“Brat…” Hongbin leaned into Hyuk, pretending to kiss the younger, but reached around him and tried to pull his briefs out of Hyuk’s hand instead.

“Hey! That’s cheating! Kiss me first!” Hyuk struggled under Hongbin, but giggled nonetheless. Although he had grown bigger and stronger the last year and was working out a bit, Hongbin’s power was no joke.

Hyuk managed to tackle Hongbin on the bed, pinning him down.

“Kiss me first, then you get your boxers. Easy peasy.”

“That’s blackmailing!”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it.”

Just when Hyuk wanted to steal a kiss, his phone rang with an awkward ringtone.

Hongbin looked puzzled, and Hyuk kissed him on his nose when Hongbin forgot to resist.

Hyuk grinned and pushed himself up, almost throwing Hongbin’s briefs in his face. He searched for his phone in his pants on the floor.

“What’s with this ringtone?”

“It’s the one I have put in for N-hyung…” Hongbin stared at Hyuk’s back while he was leaning over the bed, and realised he had left some pretty visible marks on the maknae. A blush creeped up his face, and just when he wanted to warn him about it, Hyuk finally found his phone and picked up.

“Hyung? Good morning. Or noon.”

“Hyuk, listen. I called Taekwoon, I think you were wrong.” Hyuk swallowed. N sounded stressed.

“Wait... what did you tell him?”

“I tried to bribe him into talking to me, and… and it slipped that-”

“So you told him? About that night?? I said not to!!”

“I know, I know! I’m sorry! But when we talked I was under the strong impression he knew! I really did! He was shocked at first that I did, and thought Jeahwan told me.”

“Wait, I’m confused. So did he know or not?”

Hongbin just watched the scene, until Hyuk turned around with confusion written all over his face. Eyes wide he silently urged the younger to put the speaker on, so he could follow the conversation.

“I’m… I’m still confused about that part myself. He thought I was talking about something else from what I got. Then when I mentioned Wonshik he snapped out of it and, well… When I refused to clarify he hung up on me.”  
  
“Oh god, hyung... I... I merely told you it was... What I think happened? I’m not 100% sure myself... oh gosh.”

Hongbin closed his eyes and cringed all over at the thought of this super uncomfortable conversation N must had with Leo, and fell back on the bed. Hyuk didn’t know what to say, so they just sat there (or in Hongbin’s case, laid there) for a moment, digesting.

“Hyuk… when Taekwoon hung up, he said he was going to get it out of you instead, please know that.”

Hyuk swallowed hard. Shit. Hongbin rose again, crawling closer to Hyuk.

“Hyung! What am I supposed to do? How can I face him?? What on earth should I tell him??” Hyuk’s eyes showed sincere fear, and Hongbin grabbed his hand to soothe him, but not having an answer either.

“I… I don’t know. Just, don’t tell him, please don’t tell him. He’ll be hurt, I know that. Just, don’t.”

“Hyung, he’ll wring it out of me, you know he will! And I cannot avoid him, unlike you do! How long am I supposed to dodge? Aahh what have I done, why did I even bother?”

“You tried to help, Hyuki, which is very noble… I’m sorry about the… outcome. I wish I could leave the set, but I can’t. I’d try to set things straight myself… And right now Taekwoon does not pick up when I call him, so there is not much I can do...”

Just when N mentioned his name, Hyuk’s phone vibrated softly, signalling a second call coming in.

“Oh… Oh no, Taekwoon is calling me!”

Hongbin just shook his head frantically, eyes wide, as Hyuk waited for instructions from N on the other line.

“Hyung!”

“J-just don’t pick up!”

The three of them just waited till Leo hung up, and silence set it.

“He knows I’m on my phone now, and he won’t stop calling me…” Hongbin just stared at him, helpless. It was his initial idea to ask N, and he felt so guilty and bad for bringing Hyuk into this situation, he wished he could make it undone.

“I’m so sorry Hyuki…” apologized N.

-o-O-o-

“I’m so sorry Hyuki, so so sorry!”

“It’s not your fault… It’s nobody’s fault,” Hyuk tried to deflate the situation in his mind.

“And I’m sorry I have to leave you on your own now…”.

“Not your fault, either. I just hope you won’t be late. Don’t you want to take a taxi? Like, wouldn’t it be faster?”

“I don’t want to spend money on a taxi, plus, the traffic at this hour is horrible on this route... also, I’d be the first time I was late? I’ll come up with an excuse, it’s alright.”

By the time they had reached the train station, Leo had called Hyuk 26 times. Hyuk rolled his eyes, his hyung sure could be overdramatic. Why not call him every 10 minutes instead of every 2? Where was the logic behind that? He’d definitely not pick up sooner. He readjusted his mask and sighed, looking up.

Hongbin then hugged Hyuk, and he hugged him back. God, how Hyuk had missed him. Missed him still.

“Call me anytime. I might not be able to pick up immediately, but I’ll call you back asap. Promise.”

“Thank you Bean…” Hyuk stared down, frowning at the confrontation he had yet to face.

Hongbin’s train was reaching the station, and Hongbin pushed his sunglasses down to look around, briefly scanning the area around them. When he was sure no one was watching, he put his glasses back on, pulled down Huyk’s mask, and snatched a kiss from Hyuk, which left the other surprised.

“In exchange for my boxers, remember?”  
  
Hyuk grinned.

“How could I forget.”

-o-O-o-

Navi Chat

WS: Hyung?  
WS: What did you tell Daegunie on the phone?


	11. Chapter 11

After what seemed forever, Hyuk reached Seoul. He didn’t want to go home, but he couldn’t avoid Leo forever…So better face him sooner than later.

But when his phone rang for what seemed the 100th time this day, and after receiving 7 texts (as he just discovered now) from Leo, he decided he finally should pick up. He felt somewhat prepared, and at least he didn’t have to do this face to face on the phone.

“YES?” Hyuk picked up, sounding more aggressive than he intended to.

“Why the hell didn’t you pick up sooner, brat…”

Oh, Leo was so pissed.

“Because you were annoying me! Why did you call every two seconds?”

“Where are you now?” Leo chose to ignore Hyuk’s question.

“I’m on my way home…”

“Meet me at the playground.”

Oh no.

“Hyung, just talk to me on the phone.”

“Sanghyuk, just meet me there, ok?” And Leo hung up on him.

Great, just great.

Hyuk exited the bus and changed the line to head to the playground. He knew Leo meant the one he usually visited with Minyul, no question. Sometimes the members visited the playground at night when they were drunk, and had a few minutes of fun before N would call a taxi to collect them. Hyuk remembered these nights fondly, as it was on one of these nights he managed to steal a kiss from Hongbin for the first time.

But right now, all he wanted was to do was turn around on his heel and just head home.

When Hyuk reached the place, he found the playground pretty much deserted, save for 2 girls, a woman (probably their mom) and Leo. He was wearing a black baseball-cap, and was sitting on a bench in the shadow of a huge tree, leaned back, with a paper mug from Starbucks in his hand- a vanilla late, for sure.

Hyuk didn’t greet him and just sat beside him, leaning back, too, and pulled down his mask. He was glad he could, as he was getting pretty hot underneath it, but that was part of his idol life, so he could not complain.

They just sat there for a few moments, and Hyuk tried to enjoy this beautiful day of June a little. But it was difficult when Leo didn’t even take one sip from his coffee beside him, creating the most dense atmosphere.

“What did you see 3 weeks ago?”

Hyuk of course, still didn’t want to tell him, so he just sat there in silence. Oh gosh.

“Hyuk…” Leo warned him.

Hyuk just bit his lip, fighting with himself over what he should tell him. He had to tell him s o m e t h I n g.

“Hyuk, spit it already…”

“Hyung, I can’t. If I tell you, you’ll get hurt. Besides-”

“Stop pussyfooting around me, for god’s sake!”

“Hey, don’t shout at me!” Hyuk might have been the maknae, but such behaviour was nothing he could tolerate.

They had been so loud, the girls turned their heads, and their mother shook her head in disapproval.

Leo had no response to that. He chewed on his bottom lip, trying to regain posture. He meant to say sorry, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. He felt uncomfortable for probably scaring the kids, too.

“Hyuki, please tell me…” Leo sounded more coy now, and his sudden change of tone surprised Hyuk.

“Taekwoon-hyung, if… If I tell you, will you promise to keep calm? Like, it was not my fault it happened, I just witnessed it, ok? Plus, I was kinda drunk too, so, this might not be what exactly happened. At first I even thought I just dreamt of it. Part of me still does.”

Leo just stared at the younger. After a few seconds, he nodded.

“…Ok.”

“Ok…” Hyuk breathed out.

“So… Erm… You remember that me and Wonshik were pretty wasted that night, right?”

“…Right.”

“Ok… When we, Wonshik and I, got home, Jaehwan was still awake. You were asleep.”

Leo just nodded at this information.

“I went to the bathroom… And… Uh…”

Leo waited patiently for Hyuk to continue.

“…when I got back, I saw… them.” Hyuk swallowed down the lump in his throat, and examined Leo’s face.

“They didn’t notice me.”

“…go on.”

“Wonshik was lying on Jaehwan, hugging him… and Wonshik was telling him… uhm…”

“…telling him?” Leo’s eyes were pleading for information.

“He was repeating “I love you” all the time. It was... It was not his usual playful tone...you know? And Jyanni... A-and Jeahwan-hyung was hugging him back, a-and stroking his hair…”

Leo’s heart tightened in his chest, and all colour left his face, Hyuk could have sworn. Leo leaned back, at stared down on his hands. His coffee was cooling off. Hyuk eyed him carefully.

Leo was hurt. Definitely. But… at the same time, he couldn’t quite place it. I was a weird pain. So Ravi confessed his love apparently... Ok. It was…ok. It’s not like it came out of nowhere, right? Right. He was aware of this since long ago, that Ravi was pretty invested in Ken, and he often envied their relationship, their closeness, their bonding that was beyond anything Leo could wish for to reach with Ravi. Right… Right?

“Taekwoonie…”

Ravi hugging Ken was not a rare view, nor him chanting “cute” under his breath whenever he could poke or tease Ken, and the other would make cute faces and smile at him, drowning Ravi in his aegyo.

Or Ravi tugging at Kens neck, and the other letting him.

Or Ravi dreamily enjoying Ken’s singing.

As for Ken… He... He should have known better. He should. Wasn’t it kind of funny? From the beginning, it was all a ga-

“Taek-! Your coffee!”

Leo noticed too late his grip getting loose, for his head was mush, and he dropped his cup, content spraying all over his pants on the impact with the floor, and partially on Hyuk too.

“Geez…”

Hyuk pulled tissues out of his pocket and kneeled down, trying to clean Leo’s shoes and jeans, and the image reminded Leo so much of Ken trying to clean him up a few weeks ago, he had to look away.

“There… It’s the most I can do.” Hyuk made an effort to clean his shoes too, but soon dismissed it.

“I… Thank you…”

“Hyung… Are you ok?”

“…”

“Hyung…” Hyuk put his hand on Leo’s knee, trying to comfort him.

“I guess you knew it too, then?”

It took Hyuk just a split second to understand what Leo meant.

“You didn’t really hide it. I mean, it’s pretty obvious that you like Wonshik.”

Leo laughed softly, and threw his head back, until his cap fell off. But he didn’t care much, although his hair was messy and everyone could recognise him easily now.

Hyuk stood up and picked the cap up from behind the bench.

He put it on Leo’s head again, covering his face entirely, and sat beside him.

“Are you… Ok?”

“…”

“Ok, Uhm… Let it sink in first, I guess…”

Leo put his cap back on normally.

“Thanks for telling me...”

“You’re welcome… Although I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?” he leaned his head on Leo’s shoulder.

“But hyung, uhm, Wonshik… does not remember anything of this. Maybe it was just... just a drunken man’s talk?”

They just sat there, until Leo could feel his jeans getting dry. His head felt too full and empty at the same time, his heart heavy with sorrow, and he wanted to stand up and do something, ignore his brain and his heart and just do anything physical.

“Hyung, Wonshik was pretty drunk. I really don’t think he remembers, like, anything.… maybe don’t mention it to him? At all.”

“…”

“I bet it’s embarrassing for him…”

For a lack of words, Leo just nodded.

Hyuk leaned forth again and watched him carefully, but couldn’t read Leo’s expression.

Leo was thinking about letting off steam.

“Hyung promise.”

He knew exactly what to do.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you have noticed, but I had to add dub-con and mild violence to the tags because of the chapter after this update. I'm sincerely sorry if you read up to this point and now feel too uncomfortable with continuing.

Ken was leaning against the mirror in the elevator, scribbling something down, until the bell sound indicated he reached their floor. After the meeting, he went to the gym-studios of Jellyfish-Entertainment, to go after his usual program. He stuffed the notebook in the outer pocket, swung his sports-bag around and exited the elevator of their building, and almost bumped into Hyuk, who had Butt on the leash.  
  
“Hey Hyuk… Going for a walk?”  
  
“Yes, and you are coming with me!”  
  
“Wha-“ Hyuk shoved Ken with one arm back into the elevator, and pushed the button for the ground floor.  
  
“Hyuk, hey!!”  
  
“We need to talk.”  
  
“And why exactly did you have to push me?”  
  
“Sorry, I didn’t want Wonshik to hear. I mean, he is home and I didn’t want him to catch anything of this. It was awkward with Daegunie just now, this doesn’t need to get any weirder.”  
  
“With Taekwoon? What happened?”  
  
They reached the ground floor and exited.  
  
“Couldn’t I at least leave my bag back in our flat?”  
  
“We don’t need to go far, I just need a quiet place where the walls don’t have ears… or eyes.”  
  
They walked a bit until they reached a bench.  
  
“Hyuk…”  
  
“Please sit.” They both sat down, and Butt lay down on the warm ground absorbing the heat.  
  
“So?” Ken eyed him, not knowing if he should be nervous or not.  
  
“Jeahwan… I saw you and Wonshik the other night.”  
  
“…Oh.”

Hyuk swallowed. This was the last confirmation he needed. So it all, definitely, certainly, happened the way he remembered. At least he didn’t mess up in that way, so cleared his throat and continued.  
  
“And ...Daegunie knows about it now, too.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
Oh shit. Oh no.  
  
“So… I’m assuming _you_ told him about it? Why? This is something between me and Wonshik.” Ken was irritated, to say the least.  
  
“Wait, let me explain,” Hyuk held his hands up in defence. “I’ve noticed Daegunie’s behaviour changing dramatically, and it has been ever since that night 3 weeks ago. _That_ night. I saw you both laying on the couch… And I thought he had seen you, too.”  
  
“…” Ken just listened quietly to Hyuk, but his mind was always with Leo. If Leo knew about Ravi’s confession, them laying there and hugging, the kiss… oh shit. He sure was to misinterpret things.  
  
“And to cut a long story short, I asked Hakyeon-hyung for help, he messed it up, and now Deagunie knows about it, he pushed me into telling him.” Hyuk had to swallow for the second time,  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
Ken laughed, and shook his head.

Ah shit. Shit shit shit.  
  
“Hyung…”  
  
“I need to talk to Taekwoon. Immediately.”  
  
“…” Hyuk didn’t know what to say to this.  
  
“Does… does Wonshik know, I mean, do you know if he remembers? Or have you told him anything?”  
  
“No, I’ve not! And I don’t think he does, I mean, I don’t think he remembers… and I’ve told Daegunie not to mention it to him. I made him promise.”  
  
“Ok…”  
  
“Ok.”  
  
“So, where is Taekwoon now?”  
  
“He… Uhm… We went home together, but he took his sports bag and headed to the box-gym.”  
  
-o-O-o-  
  
Ken returned home to leave his bag, and was gladly greeted by no one. He knew Ravi was home, but to be honest he didn’t have the time nor nerve to talk to him. He had to go see Leo. As soon as possible. So when he entered their dorm, he threw his shoes off and went straight to his bedroom.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah… hello.” Ravi appeared from the balcony in the living room area.  
  
“Hey…”  
  
“How was the meeting?”  
  
“It was nice…!” Ken talked as he walked into the bedroom, throwing his bag in a corner. He wanted to change his shirt, but then decided otherwise. This could wait until later.  
  
“Uhm, I need to go, so, talk to you later?” he asked as he went to the front door, to put his shoes back on.  
  
“Jaehwanie, wait…”  
  
“Yes?” Ken turned around, quite reluctantly.  
  
“What happened 3 weeks ago?” Ravi starred at him with demanding eyes.  
  
Ken swallowed visibly, and had to clear his throat.  
  
“Uhm… I…” Think of an excuse, dammit!  
  
Ravi came closer, and grabbed Ken by his shoulders.  
  
“Hyung, please, what is going on? Did you two fight? Taekwoon and you? Or was it something else? Why was he asking me? Asking me about you? Talk to me!”  
  
Ken avoided his eyes, and tried to fabricate something persuasive. But then Ravi’s cracking voice caught him off guard.  
  
“Did… did I do something?”  
  
Ken finally snapped out of it and looked Ravi in the eyes.  
  
Ravi was visibly upset, and on the verge of… of crying.  
  
Shit.  
  
“Wonshik… No… please, please don’t cry.”  
  
“Both of you, Taek and you, you’re both avoiding me.”  
  
“I’m not…”  
  
“Yes, yes you are. Not as much as he is, but you avoid me. You let me cuddle you, but that’s often it.”

Ravi rubbed his eyes, wiping away the forming tears.  
  
“And Taekwoon, he seems to enjoy working on the album, but then disappears when we are finished for the day. It wasn’t like this before. Something bothers him, but he doesn’t want to talk to me about it.”

  
Ken couldn’t help himself and cupped Ravi’s cheek, wiping away one stray tear with his thump. He looked at Ravi so tenderly, hating having hurt him, hating not having payed attention to his own behaviour towards him, and not noticing Ravi hurting earlier.  
  
He wrapped his arms around him, trying to shush him, comfort him.

“You didn’t do anything, Wonshik. I promise.”  
  
Ken put one hand behind Ravi’s head, stroking his hair. Ravi hesitated at first, but then hugged Ken back. Ravi breathed in, taking in Ken’s smell of sweat and shampoo.  
  
“Then please tell me what is going on. And why Taek is so upset. He said something happened 3 weeks ago, and he asked me what I knew about it.”  
  
Should Ken tell Ravi about the kiss? Or Leo? But what exactly about Leo?    
  
“I… I had a fight with Taekwoon.”  
  
No, no he could not.  
  
“I’m sorry I lied to you. It was that night three weeks ago, when you and Hyuk went out.” Ravi knew that already.

“And what did you two fight about? And why did Taekwoon ask me if I knew about it? This doesn’t make any sense to me.”  
  
Ken hesitated. Ravi let go of Ken, only to catch Ken’s face between his hands, making the older look him directly in the eyes.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah tell me.”  
  
Gosh he needed a lie, and a very good one.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah… talk to me.”  
  
“I’m… I’m just… I’m jealous, ok?”  
  
“… jealous?”  
  
“… Or I was, yes.”  
  
Ravi let go of him, putting some distance between them.  
  
“About what?”  
  
“… of your comeback.”  
  
“LR’s comeback?”  
  
“…yes.”

“But why?”  
  
“You know why.”’  
  
Ken wanted a good excuse, not this hot mess of half truth, half lie. Goddammit, why did he have to bring that up right now? Why could his brain come up with something better?  
  
When Ravi, Leo and their manager announced 2 years ago the formation of VIXX’s first sub-unit (which did not include him) he was… hurt, to put it short. Ravi had always been fond of him, so why wasn’t Ken his first choice? Why Leo? But he loved VIXX like family and didn’t want to cause any ruckus, so he swallowed down his pride and his feelings and whished LR all the best for the future, and helped them whenever, wherever he could.  
  
Ken noticed the silence surrounding them and tried to break it.  
  
“Yes, uhm, so… This is the reason I fought with Daegunie ... I know, it’s stupid, and I don’t even remember how or why it escalated that way... Somehow I projected these feeling on you it seems. I’m sorry this turned into this mess… As for Gunie...” he tried to find some plausible explanation, but even after taking a moment to consider it, he failed. Leo was such a mystery to him sometimes, so he didn’t know what words to put in his mouth, to make it sound reasonable.

 “Maybe he was pissed I might have involved you into the fight, and that you might have sided with me? I don’t know… I have to ask him.” His next stop was Leo, anyways. He would have to persuade him to adopt this story too, but most importantly, he’d have to explain to Leo the whole Ravi situation of that night 3 weeks ago, and hope the other would accept his version of the events.  
  
“I was not aware I was avoiding you... I’m sorry Wonshik. Please don’t be sad…” Ken wanted to hug Ravi again, to get his apology across properly, but held back.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah, I always thought you wanted to do a solo debut.”  
  
“I do. But… I think I still need some time. I’ve been collecting bits and bops for some time now, and whenever I have the inspiration to I write down some poems and thoughts I’d want to create songs for. Just you know, you’ll be the first person I’ll come to when the time comes,” Ken smiled.  
  
Ravi hesitated a little.  
  
“Jaehwan-ah, you know, if I’d have a say in a second sub-unit, I’d pick you. And in the variety show, I said I wouldn’t pick any of the VIXX members for a sub-unit, but that was a lie. I think I told you afterwards backstage, too. And our song ‘Rose’... is of such importance to me... Even our first sub-unit… I-“  
  
“I know it was not merely your decision, Wonshik. I could never blame you. Let’s forget about it, ok?”, Ken smiled again. “I’m sorry I brought this old story up.” Oh well. He lied to Ravi, but it was for the better, he tried to persuade himself.

This was damage control.  

“I’m over it, promise. And the fight with Daegunie, the more I think about it, the more I believe it was stupid. I’ll talk to him, and set things straight. I bet he didn’t even notice his change in behaviour, ok?”  
  
Ok, Jeahwan, good job. This didn’t sound so bad after all.  
  
Ravi looked at Ken, and his ears were faintly coloured pink. He averted his gaze and finally spoke after what seemed forever.  
  
“You know that I love you, Jaehwan-ah…”  
  
Ken didn’t hesitate and closed the distance between them, hugging Ravi tightly. He kissed the younger on the cheek, before resting his cheek against Ravi’s hot ear.  
  
“I love you too, Shiki.”  
  
Ravi’s arms hugged him tighter, and fingers pulled on the fabric of Ken’s oversized shirt forcefully.  
  
Ken felt bad, although he wasn’t lying.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little nervous about his chapter... but enjoy.
> 
> -warning for dub-con and mild violence-

When Ken entered the Studio, it was almost dark outside, and apart from one hall from whose light poured into the corridor, the whole studio seemed deserted. He heard muffled sounds, and he knew it was Leo. He had been here for hours, hitting some poor punchbag instead of… him. He knew this was one of Leo’s ways of coping with the situation, although this was one mean he fell back to rarely.  
  
Ken approached the older, and his sneakers made close to no sound on the concrete floor. Leo stopped hitting the sack, only to continue hitting it more forcefully when he realised it was Ken who entered the hall. Leo's face was glistening with sweat.  
  
“Taekwoon...”  
  
“Get lost.”  
  
“Taek, please listen.”  
  
“I said, get lost.” Leo continued hitting the sack, feeling the sweat forming small paths down his hair again, down his neck. His muscles felt sore.  
  
“Hyung.”  
  
“Jaehwan, just fucking! -Piss! -Off!” He warned between punches, and although his knuckles started to hurt after all these hours without proper boxing gloves, only wearing hand-wraps that were getting slowly undone… He welcomed the pain.

It was entirely physical, no heart or brain involved.  
  
“Hyung!”  
  
“Cut it out! And stop calling me hyung! There is no weight behind it anyway!” Leo panted and turned around, with red cheeks and wet hair plastered on his forehead. He looked ready to attack, and Ken should have felt fear, or anything remotely close to that, but he didn’t. “It’s not like you respect me, so fucking cut the ‘hyung’. And for the last time… Fuck off. Now.” Ken was a little taken aback from the last statement, but he tried to blame it on Leo’s anger. He blinked.  
  
“Why wouldn’t I respect you?”  
  
“Ha, is this a real question?  Don’t make me laugh,” Leo snapped.  
  
When Ken failed to respond immediately, Leo huffed and returned to punching the sack again.  
  
Ken needed a moment to order what he wanted to say, without making everything sound even worse than it already was.  
  
“I know Hyuk told you about… Wonshik. And me. That night.”

Leo ignored him, or at least pretended to.  
  
“Taek, believe me… The kiss… Wonshik was pretty drunk…”  
  
Leo stopped his arm mid-air, so abruptly it was almost comical.  
  
“Kiss?” What kiss? Hyuk never mentioned…  
  
Leo turned around, eyes wide with disbelief and anger and shock and everything in between.  
  
“You… you kissed him?” He asked, almost without a voice.  
  
“No! God no, he kissed me!” Leo ignored Ken’s attempt to explain, and started coming closer.  
  
“You…”

Leo looked terrifying by now.

Oh, crap.

He didn’t know about the kiss.

Crap, crap, crap-  
  
Ken was lucky, because he saw it coming and managed to dodge the punch. The hit was loaded with so much vigour, he stumbled back, falling against the ropes of the boxing ring behind him.  
  
“Who do you think you are?” Leo tried to land a blow again, and Ken dodged it with his arm, and _god_ it hurt.  
  
“Who the fuck do you think you are?!” Leo hit Ken again, this time Ken managed to grab his fist, pushing Leo away. Leo stumbled back, breathing heavily.  
  
“You… you have the nerve… You come to me and claim to… claim to want me, you constantly play with me, fucking tease me to no end, and then you go have your fun with Wonshik, too?” Leo swallowed hard, letting his thoughts pour out like a waterfall.  
  
“Does Wonshik know about this? Like, does he approve of this? You wanting it both ways? Us both? Because I’m sure as hell he doesn’t.”  
  
Leo needed a pause. He talked too much too fast, and his already drained body cried for oxygen.  
  
Ken was confused, and words were like bricks in his mouth, blocking any statement. What was Leo exactly angry about? Was he pissed that he had kissed Ravi and was envious? Or was it because he thought Ken wanted them both? Did he think he was not sincere with him? Plus, was Leo admitting that Ken’s actions were taking a toll on him? He needed a moment to make sense out of Leo’s words.  
  
“I’m not your fucking puppet, Wonshik’s not your fucking puppet! Stop fooling around with us!”

Leo felt so out of breath, he turned around to lean on the wall, breathing quite heavily.  
  
“Taek-“ Ken still wanted to explain himself.  
  
“Just leave, ok? Leave me alone.”  
  
“Taekwoon…” Ken approached Leo, always ready to dodge.  
  
Leo realised Ken was coming closer again, and turned around to hit him again.  
  
Ken of course saw it coming, managed to stop Leo, and pinned the older to the wall.  
  
“God, stop hitting me, and listen!” Ken’s tone was almost pleading, but his eyes were fixed on the older, although Leo’s eyes bore so much anger and hatred he could barely stand it.  
  
“Let. Go.” Leo demanded, and had difficulty not averting his eyes, pinned by Ken.  
  
“Will you listen?” Ken requested.  
  
“…” Leo finally looked away, and Ken let go, although reluctantly. He took a few steps back.  
  
“Taekwoon, Wonshik kissed me, ok? I didn’t even see it coming. He was cuddly as always, and in the next moment he kissed me. When I blinked it was over.”  
  
Leo didn’t say a thing, and kept his eyes on the floor.  
  
“And… And I didn’t know what to do in that moment, so I just lay there with him, and that’s it.”  
  
Leo scoffed, and folded his arms in front of him.  
  
“It’s the truth.”  
  
“And the confession?”  
  
“Wonshik con- it was him that said that to me, not vice versa. And he was _hella drunk_ , for god’s sake."

“Sure,” said Leo blatantly in disbelief, raising an eyebrow and then dropping it the next second.

Ken was starting to get irritated.  
  
“What’s your problem?” he almost hissed.  
  
“I told you already,” Leo bit down his bottom lip in a frown.  
  
“And I told you it was not like you think it was! Hey, look at me!”  
  
Leo continued looking down, stubborn like a child. Ken tried to read the situation, and decided he had to get braver. He had to try and approach it differently, as he believed he could finally distinguish what Leo was on about.  
  
“I see… So this is what it’s about…”  
  
At that Leo finally looked up, eyes questioning.  
  
“It’s not merely because I kissed him, right? Not only because you are jealous of the kiss, but more because you believe I’m having my way with both of you?”  
  
Leo’s expression was blank now, as if he was not sure what to feel, what to think.  
  
“You are angry because of that. You said it yourself.”

“Y-You are twisting my words!”

“No I’ m not... ”  
  
“Yes you are! Stop it!”

“I’m merely repeating what you said!”

“S-stop it!”  
  
“What, Taekwoon? I’m right, or not?”  
  
“…”  
  
“You think I lied to you…” Ken came closer.  
  
“Stay where you are, Jaehwan.”  
  
“But I didn’t. I meant everything.”  
  
“Jaehwan…”  
  
“Every single word.”  
  
“…” Leo was conflicted. Why couldn’t Ken stop talking? Why did he have to bring havoc over his already disoriented self, dig deeper and deeper, bring everything to the surface?  
  
“I see it in your face, clearly now.” And Ken could indeed, but more on Leo’s ears, as they started getting red. Leo suddenly got extremely aware of his facial expression, and Ken could tell. Leo’s eyes showed confusion.  
  
“Did you think about it often?”  
  
“…what?”  
  
“About that night three weeks ago?”  
  
“S-shut up.”  
  
“Oh, you sure did.”  
  
“I said shut up!” Leo pushed Ken away violently, but Ken just went on, not getting discouraged.  
  
“Did you think about _me_?”

Leo blushed at the thought of yesterday night.  
  
“Jaehwan I said-“ Leo wanted to push Ken away again, as he got even more angry at how right Ken was, but the younger got hold of Leo’s arms, pinning them on the wall, next to Leo’s head.  
  
Leo didn’t expect this, and his startled self could not respond immediately.  
  
“I said, stop hitting me.”  
  
Ken waited for Leo’s reaction, but Leo just stared at him flustered.  
  
Ken’s grip on Leo’s wrist loosened, and his hands made their way to Leo’s. He intertwined their fingers, not meeting much resistance.  
  
“Taekwoon, talk. It’s just like I said, isn’t it?”  
  
Leo wanted to deny it, but Ken’s closeness was effectively blocking out any coherent thought. He turned his face away, keeping his eyes shut.  
  
Yes, he thought about that night, and god, yes, he though a lot about Ken, much more than he’d ever admit. About Ken’s lips, these plump lips right in front of him that taunted him; his hands, the same hands holding him into place right now, whose warmth he still felt roaming over his naked skin. Ken’s neck and his adam’s apple, which was wandering up and down Ken’s throat with each swallow-  
  
Ken watched Leo’s mind race, as he was biting down his bottom lip. Sweat was rolling down his neck, his ears were even more red now. His earrings were dangling, what seemed to be the only visible movement apart from Leo’s chest rising and sinking.

Ken smirked, and leaned in.

If Leo didn’t want to talk...

He’d make him.  
  
He kissed Leo’s ear, and suddenly Leo’s mind returned to then and there.  
  
“J-Jaeh-!”  
  
Leo tried to resist, to push Ken back, but the other leaned on him now, his arms restraining his’, and his grip was too strong.  
“Stop!!”  
  
Ken’s plush lips wandered, kissing behind Leo’s ear, planting wet, slow kisses down his neck.  
  
Leo tried to resist, push him off, hold back and not let Ken get to him, but he was getting weaker. Ken’s lips were so, so hot, and his teeth, oh lord his teeth, they were biting down his skin and teasing him.  
  
Leo’s squirming toned down, and he couldn’t hold back his voice anymore.  
  
“Ah…!”  
  
Ken smiled against Leo’s skin, and licked Leo’s ear.  
  
“Will you admit it now?” Ken’s voice was hoarse, and he was getting worked up himself. He may not have wanted everything to happen this way, but by god, he had wanted this for so, so long, and he wanted Leo to confess, admit that he wanted him too, longed for him, needed him.  
  
“…hah! Stop!”  
  
Ken rolled his hips against Leo, and Ken could feel Leo getting hard through his pants.  
  
“Talk to me!”  
  
“S-shut up!” Leo managed to say through moans, and made a last attempt to push Ken away. His knees were getting weak, and he felt helpless and exposed. Ken was pushing all his right buttons, and if he’d been able to concentrate his remaining strength, he would have pushed Ken away.  
  
He would have, wouldn’t he?  
  
Ken’s let go of Leo’s right hand, and grabbed Leo’s shoulder. Leo’s now free hand grabbed Ken’s shoulder in return, gripping on the fabric of Ken’s shirt, pushing it away, almost ripping it.  
  
Ken’s lips kept on nibbling on Leo’s neck, drawing the sweetest sounds out of him. His hand wandered down, caressing Leo’s chest, and his thumb rubbed Leo’s nipple though the sweat-damped shirt.  
  
Leo inhaled sharply, moaning at the touch. Oh god, even if he’d be served on silver platter, Ken wouldn’t have it any easier with him. Ken lips left his sensitive neck, and he rolled his loins against him again. Leo shuddered, and grabbed Ken by his hair at the back of his head. Their foreheads collided, resting against each other. Leo was breathing heavily now, and Ken chuckled softly - but Leo cared less and less.  
  
Ken breathed in hoarsely, and when his hand reached Leo’s tummy, he went underneath his shirt, and the slow, torturous caressing continued. Leo didn’t hold back much anymore and moaned louder, much to Ken’s delight.  
  
At some point, Ken’s hand left Leo’s skin, and the other opened his eyes to look into Ken’s, only to see that he was looking down on them.  
  
When he followed Ken’s gaze, his eyes widened at the image in front of him.  
  
Oh god.  
  
Ken had pulled himself out.  
  
He had pulled himself out and his tip was leaking, the skin was plump and red and wet.  
  
Oh god. Oh _god_.  
  
“Say it Taekwoon.”  
  
Ken started stroking himself, with slow movements and a firm grip. He licked his thick lips, and smiled at Leo. Leo couldn’t believe his eyes. Ken fucking started masturbating in front of him, smiling at him smugly, breathing heavily, shamelessly.  
  
His grip in Ken’s hair got stronger, and the younger just hissed, and then chuckled softly.  
  
His movements started becoming a little bit faster, and Leo couldn’t look away from Ken. His eyes were fixed on the movement, on the way Ken’s foreskin was moving up and down, on the way he smeared the precum over his heavy cock with his thumb.  
  
Ken watched Leo’s expression changing, looking tantalized, deprived.  
  
The room seemed to fill with sounds of loud breathing and wet noises, and Ken not touching him was getting more and more agonizing for Leo.  
  
God, what was happening with him?  
  
He was pinned against the wall, he was wet with sweat and gross, and he was absorbed by Ken in front of him, shuddering at every sound that left the other’s lips, drinking in the view, but still in denial of what was happening.  
  
Breathing didn’t seem to satisfy his need for oxygen, and he almost whined.  
  
“S-say it, Taekwoon.”  
  
Leo swallowed, and although Ken was not touching him anymore, a moan left his lips, that’s how worked up he had gotten, how electrified by Ken’s actions.  
  
“Fucking say it!”  
  
“P-please Jaehwan…”  
  
“T-Taekwoon!” Leo couldn’t take the teasing anymore and finally gave in.  
  
“Yes… Yes! I _did_! God, I did! Ok? Oh, oh god…” admitted, shutting his eyes, biting his bottom lip.  
  
Ken smiled satisfied, and let go of himself.  
  
He grabbed the hem of Leo’s sweatpants and pulled them down, and pushed his leaking tip against Leo’s boxers, against Leo’s own hard on, and the other gasped.  
  
Ken leaned his hand against the wall, seeking hold, and rolled his hips against Leo.  
  
Leo cursed and leaned his head on Ken’s shoulder, hiding his face.  
  
“…hah…J-Jaehwan…p-please…”  
  
“Please what?” Ken asked breathless, and Leo could hear him smile, enjoying this way too much.  
  
“Oh, g-god…”  
  
“Spit it,” Ken demanded, biting Leo’s ear.  
  
“T-touch me, please, touch me already…!” Leo whined.  
  
Ken kissed Leo’s neck again, and his hand returned down on Leo’s boxers. Leo’s wet boxers.  
  
He pulled them down, he spat in his hand, and then his fingers finally touched Leo’s cock.

Ken did not spend much time examining him though, although he wanted to admire his work, and grabbed both his own and Leo’s cock with one hand.  
  
Leo wanted to cry out at the contact, but bit down Ken’s shoulder instead. The other moaned, but did not protest.  
  
Ken let go of Leo’s right hand, and both their hands were wet with sweat. He placed his hand at Leo’s lower back, holding him close, and the other wrapped his arm around Ken’s neck, seeking hold.  
  
Ken stroked them both now, together, and his long fingers gripped them tightly, moving up and down their heated flesh slowly, determined.  
  
Leo whined into Ken’s shoulder, and he couldn’t stand the sound of it. He sounded ragged and exhausted, close to tearing up, he couldn’t recognise his own voice. He wanted to control it, suppress it, regain at least some control over himself, but with no success.

Ken rolled against Leo again, accompanying his hand movements, and Leo was glad Ken was holding him, because his knees almost gave away completely now.  
  
“You… you are so lovely, Taekwoon,” Ken complimented Leo amongst moans, working on them more intensely, massaging their shafts, thumb and pointing finger running over their tips, drawing more and more pre-cum out of Leo. Leo just shook his head on Ken’s neck frantically, trying to deny the statement.  
  
“So pink… and-“ Ken stopped mid-sentence and moaned hoarsely, “-and lovely…” Leo’s mind managed to pick up the words through the sounds of rapid breathing and wet, slick skin, and they sent a shudder down his spine. He wished Ken would stop talking, at this rate…

“So beautiful…” Leo bit down again, and Ken hissed in pleasure.  
  
“Hhh…”  
  
With every brush of Ken’s thumb over his head, Leo cried out. His nails dug into Ken’s skin on his neck, his scalp. Why was his body so responsive, so sensitive? Shudders ripped through his chest, his stomach, his loins, and he was too aware of Ken’s smell, his broad chest, the muscles under his skin, the tensed tendons, the sweat on the youngers forehead, his fluffy hair moving along with every thrust of his hips.  
  
“G-god… I want to taste you…”Ken said more to himself than to Leo, and watched Leo unwind under heavy lids.  
  
Everything penetrated his senses at once, and Ken’s words were the last straw. Leo came, the feeling so satisfying, so raw, so primal. He drowned in the stimuli taking over his body, he didn’t notice Ken coming on his stomach, too.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you noticed a change in the wordcount prior to this update, it's because I went back and edited pretty much every chapter. Namely, I had to adjust their name/stage-name use as it was not working out the way I wanted it to, and made it cringy to read more than anything. Also, I was not happy with a lot of scenes, particularly the Keo bath scene, and I ended up making 1K worth of changes in total, though I didn’t add anything new to the plot. So you don’t have to re-read it or anything, but I believe it’s much more pleasant to read this way.

“I-I can do this myself.”

Leo took the tissue from Ken and tried to clean himself up. Leo didn’t dare to look the younger in the eyes, and he tried to hide his shame behind his fringe. He sat there, leaning against the wall in the studio, trying to come down from his high, and Ken slumped against the wall next to him, breathing uneven, just like his own. Leo’s head was resting against the cold bricks, and Ken was right beside him, keeping a few centimetres distance. Heavy breathing turned slowly to calm inhaling and exhaling, and their sweat-plastered faces cooled off. Leo felt incredibly messed up- both physically and mentally. He still couldn’t really fathom what just had happened.  
  
“Do you have a spare shirt? In your bag, ”Ken asked, but Leo looked on the floor. He remembered how he clumsily stuffed freshly washed clothes in his bag before leaving.  
  
“I do,” he replied, still not looking in Ken’s direction, pointing the way vaguely with his finger.  
  
Ken stood up and fetched Leo’s bag, roaming through the stuff in the main compartment, and pulled out what he was looking for.  
  
“Here,” He offered a clean shirt, handing it to him. Leo hesitated a little, but then removed the dirty shirt he wore to put on the other, although he would have highly preferred to shower first. He tried to put on the clean one as fast as possible, being as self-conscious as he was, as if his naked chest was as remotely as embarrassing and awkward as being pinned on the wall and being...  
  
He swallowed. He bowed his head down even more.

After a moment of silence, and with Ken still standing in front of him, Leo finally looked up. Ken was patiently waiting for his hyung, like a parent for their child, watching him with arms folded in front of his chest, expression unreadable.

Eyes wide, a blush creeped up Leo’s face.  
  
He looked away again.  
  
Oh.  
  
“I-I don’t think I carry a third shirt with me…” he said, biting his lip, hiding behind his knees.  
  
Ken didn’t understand at first, but then he followed where Leo’s gaze had gone and grabbed his shoulder.

Leo had almost ripped off his left sleeve, and only upon realising that did he notice the pain in his right shoulder.  
  
He pushed his shirt aside and examined his skin, then smirked.  
  
“Hyung, look at what you’ve done.”  
  
Leo could have swallowed his bottom lip if it was humanly possible, and tried to hide his face behind his knees again. Oh no.  
  
“Next time, please be a little bit more tender…” Ken kneeled down to caress Leo’s head, trying to make the older to look up again, but Leo let him to so only for a second before pushing his hand away, looking bewildered.  
  
Next time?

-o-O-o-

Hyuk had left the door open, and was lying in the darkness on the bed and going through his photos… in the “pink” sub-folder in his hidden folder. A bright smile and dimples were looking back at him through his screen. Specifically, it was one photo when Hongbin used to have fluffy cotton candy pink hair, where his eyebrows were hidden behind his fringe, laughing at shenanigans with starlights at a fan-signing. The next was of Hongbin backstage of the same day, and he was nervously looking down, eyes blanc, still hella cute.

He sighed. He couldn’t decide what his favourite hair-colour on Hongbin was. Black? Blonde? Brown? Red? It all looked good on him, but certainly, his pink hair had a special place in his heart. He let the phone fall down on the bed. He missed Hongbin, but that wasn’t something new. Especially today, when he got a dose of his sweet, sweet lips, had the opportunity to drink his eyes in, feel his touch, taste his breath, his mouth, as the older practically melted beneath him…

He shook his head. He didn’t want to mentally start undressing Hongbin again, he just had his fill this morning, goddammit. He mouthed “sorry” silently a few times, more to Hongbin than to himself, and shook his head for the second time, commanding his brain to seek another subject to occupy itself with.  Now the image of Leo popped up, sitting on a bench beside him and looking as sad as someone (or at least Hyuk) could imagine.  
  
This day had been a hell of a ride. He glanced over to the general direction where his shoes lied, that were still sticky with Leo’s latte, and mentally noted that he should clean them soon, or they’d stay in the corner till N finally came back and found them and scolded him. He hoped Ken was able to set things straight between himself and Leo, would make clear that… make what clear? To be honest, he didn’t know. Maybe that Ken didn’t return Ravi’s feelings? That everything was fine? That Leo could keep on clinging onto his own feelings for Ravi? Whatever it was, he hoped that Leo and Ken would get whatever drama had built up in the spam of the last few weeks out of the way, and that Leo would get back to be his old self.

To distract himself in the silence of the deserted dorm, he opened up a learning app for English, when he heard something hitting the front door, and it startled him. It must have been pretty loud if it reached his ears, leaving some walls behind in the process.  
  
Hyuk pushed himself off the mattress, and just as he wanted to stand up, it sounded like  the door opened, and he recognised in the ruckus Leo’s and Ken’s voice.  
  
“-…up.”  
  
“-…ait, Taek!”  
  
He stood up, switching on the light out of habit, and leaned close the open door to listen.  
  
“Let go!”  
  
Hyuk heard something like a bag being tossed on the floor and then a thud, and it sounded like a body being smashed against a wall, then… Leo whining?  
  
Hyuk was about to storm the room, but something told him to wait.

What was happening?  
  
“Why are you running away?”  
  
“Y-you little shit!” For some reason Hyuk switched the light off again, hoping to stay invisible in the dark.  
  
“Ah~! You all call me potty mouth, but don’t watch your own language!”  
  
“Let go you-! We’re not-“  
  
“Nobody’s here, look, everybody’s shoes are missing.”  
  
Hyuk looked down the floor where his shoes should lay, and gulped.

“S-so every time you think we are alone, you are going to do shit? L-like in the elevator just now??”

“You weren’t answering-“  
  
“You can’t expect people to react to everything immediately!”  
  
Hyuk stood there like he was made of stone, what on _earth_ were they talking about?  
  
“I asked a simple question…”  
  
“How-What about it was simple?!”

“I just asked you when we could ‘ _meet_ ’ again hyung, what was difficult about that.”  
  
“ …” Leo kept silent, and Hyuk heard Ken chuckle softly.

“So, when will you grace me with that voice again?”  
  
“Jaehwan just-“  
  
“You were just so-”  
  
“S-stop! There is no-”

-Another thud-  
  
“And your-!”  
  
“Please stop!”  
  
“I always imagined you were the sensitive type…”  
  
_“Shut up!”_  
  
“-and you admitted that you _wanted me_!”  
  
What the actual fuck??  
  
“It was- you- you cornered me!”  
  
“Stop lying!”  
  
“Jeahwan, let me go already!”

“Pinned against the wall-“ a smack? “You liked being fucked against the wall-“  
  
_Oh god WHAT_  
  
“-stop already!!”  
  
“Taekwoon-“  
  
Another thud, should he intervene?? What was this train-wreck he was witnessing with his own ears? Why was it HIM again practically stumbling over such a situation??

Did…  
  
Did Ken really say??  
  
“Let go, you are hurting me! What more do you want now?”  
  
“You know what I want-”  
  
“Jaeh-!!”  
  
Leo practically yelped and then cursed, and then Hyuk heard a slapping sound, someone crashing against the wall again(?) and then footsteps (with shoes on!) running away, away form the front door, away from Hyuk, in the opposite direction?

He heard a more toned down thud. Ken softly laughed to himself, uttering  
  
“Shit, shit, shit…”  
  
Hyuk stumbled back, swallowing at everything he had heard. This time he was 100% sure, right from the beginning what had happened, and he needed to tell somebody, or else he would burst. He walked to his bed again and crawled underneath the still warm blanket.

He unlocked his phone.  
  
Hongbin.

He shouldn’t be shooting anymore.  
  
With a little jittery hands he opened their chat.  
  
HK: LEE HONGBIN  
HK: OMG  
HK: HELP  
HK: OMG

Hyuk hid himself under the covers of the bed, trying to vanish. What the fuck what the FUCK WHAT THE FUCK.  
  
His phone started ringing pretty much immediately, and he hung up almost panicky as he feared Ken or Leo would hear him.  
  
HB: you ok???  
HB: why aren’t u picking up???  
HK: sorry I can’t!! plz stay online THO PLZ OMG  
HK: oMG BEAN  
HB: ok then chat it is  
HB: what happened Hyuki??  
HK: I  
HK: I DONT KNOW  
HK: NO I DO KNOW JFKASJ  
HK: OMG  
HB: ???  
HB: are you ok tho??  
HK: yes I am  
HK: on second thought I dont KNOW  
HB: you are scaring me! where are you?? are you safe??  
HK: Im in our dorm under the covers in my bed  
HK: Im fine sorry for scaring you!!!  
HB: ok  
HB: so???  
HK: Leo and Ken came back  
HB: back? from the gym?  
HK: YES  
HB: why so late?  
HK: WELL!!  
HB: well??  
HK: oh god  
HK: first I thought I was witnessing a fistfight or something  
HK: but THEN  
   
Shit how could he describe what just had happened??  
  
HB: ??  
HK: I heard EVERYTHING ok??  
HK: I think omg they  
HK: I think they have a situation  
HB: tf are you talking about???  
HK: I think they  
HB: HYUK  
HB: I dont have much time were on a break!! Were filming a night scene  
HK: I THINK THEY FRICKED  
HB: what on earth  
HB: talk normally!!  
HK: I THINK THEY DID THE DO  
HK: NO  
HK: THEY DEF DID THE DO  
HB: ? ? ?  
HK: THEX HAD S EX  
HB: ?????????????????  
HB: HYUK WHAT ARE YOU SAYIJGN  
HK: I KNOW  
HB: how sure are you this time???  
HK: 100000% tHANK YOU VERY MUCH  
HK: I HEARD PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING  
HB: O MG wHAT  
HB: did they have sex in our dorm????  
HB: pls don’t tell me they did it in the living room  
HK: NO OMG  
HK: THANK GOD NO  
HK: I heard them arguing just now when they came back  
HB: so did they have sex in studio??  
HB: what is going on??? I though Taek has a massive crush on SHIKI  
HB: and since wHEN DOES JYANI  
HB: what the actual fuck, weren’t they fighting or something??  
HB: Yeon is gone for a few weeks and hell breaks loose??  
HK: what AM I SUPPOESD TO DO  
HB: ???  
HB: nothing??  
HK: WHAT NOTHING  
HB: Hyuki, there is nothing you can do?  
HK: BUT  
HK: OMG  
HB: ok, I know its prob too much to ask of u now, but keep calm  
HB: its not your business, act as if nothing happened  
HK: BUT  
HB: LISTEN  
HB: listen  
HB: stay out of it (this time)  
HK: BUT  
HB: not BUTS ok  
HB: just… just observe from afar for all I care  
HB: they are adults  
HB: they should be capable of dealing with whatever this is on their own (this time)  
HB: ok?  
HK: I don’t know…  
HK: …  
  
Hyuk swallowed… Hongbin was right.  
  
HK: I’ll try Beanie…  
HB: can I ask one more thing though  
HB: because although I don’t want to dwell on it  
HB: and I don’t have much time now  
HB: it still bothers me  
HK: ok  
HB: what exactly DID you hear?

-o-O-o-

Ravi had returned from the gym with wet hair, and after walking Butt he finally checked his phone again, only to see that N either didn’t find the time to answer until now or chose to ignore him. And he couldn’t tell because it could easily be both, because N sure was still quite busy with his schedule. Although the whole thing with Ken and Leo bothered him still today, there was one more thing occupying his mind since this morning. There had been this idea ghosting around in his head concerning a song, and he thought he better record his raw idea before he forgot how it sounded in the first place (to be honest he had recorded it already on his phone without background-music just to be sure, but still).

He put some fresh water in Butt’s bowl and some food too, and let the dog eat. He made himself a shake, one he was not sure if he liked the taste of or not, and headed to the studio room. He wanted to open the door to the studio swiftly with his free elbow after entering the code on the keypad... But then he realised the door had been locked. With the key.

Huh?

He fished his keychain out of his pocket and put the key in the lock, happy to find that the second key was not stuck in the lock from the other side, effectively preventing him from opening it.

By the time he turned the key he realised that he had to re-enter the pin-code, but then he opened the door slowly, not sure for what reason, but did it anyway. He tried to recall who had the spare key and remembered -it was probably Leo.  
  
“Hello?” Ravi asked after there was no response to him opening the door, but still no answer.  
  
He entered the room, and he found that the lamp in the corner was filling one side of the room with a weak light, while at the same time his purple effect lights were on too, giving this room the cool vibes Ravi had aimed for.

Ravi turned around.

On the sofa was Leo, lying on his back, asleep. One arm was lying on his chest with his hand covering his face, while his other was laying on his belly, hugging himself. His knees were pulled close to his chest, leaning against the back of the sofa. He looked like an oversized child, almost in embryo position.

Ravi smirked. His hyung looked cute sleeping like that on the sofa. But after his initial thought he realised that Leo didn’t look his best, even in this weird light he could tell… Leo… He looked messed up. His hair appeared to be dirty with sweat and sticky, he was wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday… save for the shirt?

This was more than unusual for him. Leo paid a lot of attention to his appearance and was amongst, if not _the_ cleanest person he knew. He began getting uneasy.  
  
“Hyung?” Ravi tried, but Leo was not responding.  
  
“Taekwoon…?” Ravi approached the sleeping man, stopping closer in front of him. Leo’s knuckles locked bruised. What happened? Did he fight with Ken again? Did it get physical?  
  
“Daegunie…?”

Leo moved an inch, breathing in, blinking behind his hand. He felt stiff all over, and moved his arm away from his face. His hands hurt, as did his shoulder from sleeping for too long in this uncomfortable position without moving. His eyes were glued together from yesterday night.

He pushed himself up and rubbed his eyes. They felt itchy from the salt.

“Taekwoon?” Leo hadn’t really taken notice of Ravi until then and got startled by his voice.

“Shik-ah?”  
  
“Are… Are you alright? Why were you locked up in here?”  
  
Leo blinked, a little disoriented.  
  
 “Did you sleep here?” Ravi asked concerned.  
  
“…” Leo finally realised where he was. He had indeed slept in the room, and felt very uncomfortable all of a sudden- dirty and gross. Unwashed. He grew hyper aware of himself, of his smell, of his hair, of his face.  
  
“Taek… please talk to me…” Ravi urged him to speak.

“I…”  
  
“Did Jyanni talk with you?”  
  
Leo’s heart started racing at the mention of Ken’s name, and he propped himself up to sit properly on the sofa, putting a little distance between himself and Ravi.  
  
Yes, Ken had _talked_ to him, at least after they did what they did yesterday. Or was it today? What day was it? What time? He was not wearing a watch, and when he turned his head in search of the clock on the wall he saw it was almost 10 AM. AM probably, because the studio didn’t have a single window, only soundproofing foam covering the walls.

But then again, what were the chances of him sleeping though the whole day if they let him? Pretty high. He loved sleeping in.

Leo was pulled out of his bubble when Ravi put his hand on Leo’s knee, sitting beside him, the image awkwardly close to yesterday, and Leo had a dejavú experience for the second day in a row. He didn’t want Ravi to be so close to him. He felt gross. For more than one reason.

“Taekwoon.”

“We...” Leo gulped, then looked away, hugging himself protectively. “We talked.”

Ravi was eyeing him patiently, with empathy. Why was Leo distancing himself again?

“Did you just ‘ _talk_ ’ or properly talk it through?”

“...” Leo leaned away.

“Daegunie... I… I don’t know how to help you if you are not talking to me… Please?”  
  
Ravi looked at him with worried eyes and squeezed Leo’s knee again.  
  
“Listen… I… I appreciate both of you, and... I’m not taking sides, ok? I don’t want to. I believe Jaehwanie apologised, right?”

 _Jaehwanie_ apologised alright Leo thought, almost letting yesterday’s emotional roller coaster affect him again. No, he was calm, he wanted to stay calm. No, he was better than that. He could hold back the tears now, not like yesterday night. And he didn’t want to cry in front of anyone, especially not Ravi- this was just not him.  
  
“You know how he can be… He is such a kid sometimes…”  
  
Ah, there was Ravi again, displaying his love for Ken.  
  
Could it get worse?  
  
“I…” Ravi began to say, and then went for Leo’s shoulder instead of his knee, “I love both of you so much, please… it hurts to see you like this… Daegunie?”  
  
Leo grabbed a cushion from where it was laying next to him and bowed down on it, hugging it to his face.  
  
Leo felt incredibly bad.  
  
Ravi had said something he had dreamed of often, but it was not in the context he had always hoped for. It was directed at him, and then again, it felt like it wasn’t.  
  
Leo felt a lump form in his throat.  
  
What on earth was he doing? Why did things turn out this way? How had he become so gullible, so naïve?  
  
Spiteful. Stupid. Pitiful.

A wave of self-hatred washed over him.  
  
He loved Ravi. Loved his smile, loved his hardworking side, loved his skills as musician, loved how they shared this irrational fear of bugs… He loved his laugh, loved the way he said Daegunie when he addressed him, loved making music with him, loved how Ravi enjoyed his food, loved how he teased him in front of the camera and would actually, truthfully make him smile and laugh…  
  
He loved him so much, had loved him for years, and yet…

Yet.

What did he do? Leo had betrayed him. Ravi didn’t know, but Leo had betrayed him, in the worst way possible. Not just yesterday with Ken, but on his own, in his own bubble of frustration in his room the day before, when he had touched himself and it wasn’t Ravi’s name falling off his lips, but Ken’s, which somehow felt even worse to Leo.  
  
Fuck, it was Ken’s name.  
  
Leo felt so out of place and dirty. A coward. A liar. He knew Ravi wouldn’t return his childish crush, again it dawned on him, and now he wasn’t worthy of it anymore. How many times did he have to face this cruel reality, had to keep on swimming against the current, stay on the surface?

Once, just once, he had allowed himself to get washed away, let the waters take him.  
  
…and It had felt _so good_. He had been so goddamn receptive, he felt ashamed of himself.

…In the end, what did he want? Was he this needy? Was it only about satisfying his drive, did it only boil down to that? Was it only about the physical aspect? He felt he should be better than that. It wasn’t only about the sex for him. It had never been. When he loved someone, he was devoted. Caring. Reliable.  
  
He was better than that, wasn’t he?  
  
...Was he?  
  
Everything felt so wrong now, out of order. He felt so wrong that his chest hurt, the invisible balance of things gone.  
  
\- I’d worship you Taekwoon -  
  
Like a broken record it echoed in his head, confusing him even more.  
  
This was Ken’s fault.

- _no_ , this was his _own_ fault, it was just a way for his mind to try and justify things.  
  
Leo’s cushion got wet under his eyes, and he pressed it against his face even more.

Shit.  
  
He was horrible.  
  
Ravi saw the silent sob that ribbed through Leo and reacted instantly, reaching out. Without a word, careful not to touch the still bruised area, he pulled his hyung towards him, hugging him close to him.  
  
Leo cried silently in Ravi’s embrace, face still pressed against the cushion, leaning against Ravi’s chest. The feeling was so comforting, so warm, the gesture so sweet he felt like throwing up because he felt so wrong accepting it.  
  
And Ravi didn’t ask any more questions. He understood that there must be more to that than he initially thought and just stayed close, silently providing Leo the save harbour he needed. He was there for him, not pressuring him into talking anymore. He accepted him like this, with open arms, no more questions. Leo felt Ravi placing his hand on his head, caressing him.  
   
Leo sobbed once more, the uncomfortable jolt running down his spine.  
  
He loved him.  
  
Leo loved Ravi.


End file.
